I'll Be Home For Christmas
by CryssieM
Summary: When Rhys and Ianto die in a car-accident, Jack must deal with his demons and the enormous guilt. For Martha's suggestion, Gwen takes him home to Swansea for the holidays. Can she manage to heal his soul and help him find the light and joy in life again?
1. Chapter 1

I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS

By Cryssie M.

CHAPTER 1

It was a cold winter day in Cardiff. Grey, cloudy and chilly, which normally would have affected people's mood, turning them gloomy and enervated. Not Gwen Cooper's. She was leaping into the Hub, engrossed in humming some melody.

Sitting at his desk, immersed in updating the recent case files, Jack Harkness jerked his head as he heard the noise of light footsteps. Walking to the window of his office, he spotted Gwen twirling at her workstation before dropping her bag onto her chair. With a faint smile, he was watching her unpacking her bag, which revealed some hollies, mistletoe, a bunch of fir-wigs and silver tinsels.

_Sure, she did not forget the Christmas-decoration. It was so typically Gwen Cooper, the memento of humanity, the heart of Torchwood 3._ _The angel in hell_, he noted bitterly. _The place where everyone died. Hell on Earth, which had consumed Tosh, Owen, then not much later Rhys and Ianto..._

Neither of them had been able to accept and get over those losses easily, yet they had to move on, keep doing what their lost friends had signed up and sacrificed themselves for, otherwise their deaths were useless.

Jack knew that for Gwen it was more painful and difficult to deal with; losing her husband must have been unbearable. He remembered last Christmas she had been utterly devastated, had not felt like celebrating, just had been sitting and crying, reminiscing the days with Rhys. Jack had been truly worried that she would never recover from the deep pain. He knew she was strong and tough, and he had been there for her whenever she needed a shoulder to cry on. They had both comforted each other, sharing the nice memories, remembering the missions and the fun they had had, providing each other solace in the time of grief.

Jack had feared that Gwen would hate and blame him for Rhys' death, but to his surprise, she had not. After the initial breakdown, she reconciled fate and, knowing that Rhys would have wanted her to go on with life, she tried to compose herself together and immersed in work. According to those wise words, time healed all wounds, and after a couple of long months, she could live life again.

On the contrary to her, time was Jack's enemy. The more time passed, the more he hated his life. Each minute he lived reminded him of the time that their friends couldn't relish anymore. Fate cursed him with the future days of their companions, never letting him forget what he had done to them. _If there was something Captain Jack Harkness was good at, it was taking people's lives._ The enormous guilt didn't stop haunting him. He couldn't forget that it had been him who had set those people up for a date with death. And he couldn't forgive himself for all that.

(flashback)

"_Though I attract death, I can't die," Jack scolded himself desperately. "I just bring destruction to everyone around me. Would be better if I stayed alone forever," he cried, and Gwen pulled him into a hug. _

"_Don't talk like that. It's not your fault," she touched his arm comfortingly._

"_Then whose is it?" he snapped at her, looking into her eyes. "They died because of Torchwood, because of me. I'm the reason why they were here."_

"_They all knew what they had signed up for. It's not your fault."_

"_Rhys didn't," he noted sharply._

_She sighed. "You're wrong. He knew helping us was dangerous, but he wanted to do so. "_

"_He shouldn't have died, he wasn't Torchwood."_

"_But I am. And he knew what to expect. If someone's responsible for his death, it's me."_

_(end of flashback)_

Just as if she had known he was watching her, Gwen glanced up at his office, her look meeting his. She sent him a warm smile, earning a weak one from him in return.

Gwen sighed. Jack's deep depression worried her. More than a year had passed since that tragic day when, only 3 months after Owen and Tosh's death, they lost Ianto and Rhys as well. She still clearly remembered that fateful day - the explosion, smoke, splinters of glass all around, lots of blood; her own scream when she had spotted Rhys' twisted body, his last words telling her that he had loved her; Ianto coughing up blood, his exasperated grasp onto the sleeve of Jack's coat, the tears they all had cried... Her eyes still welled up, and she felt the pain in her heart whenever she recalled those minutes. She remembered how she and Jack had been clinging to each other in the Hub, crying uncontrollably after having laid Ianto and Rhys rest in the vaults forever. She still could feel Jack's strong embrace around her and his tears soaking her hair. Only the two of them remained; they were Torchwood 3 from then on. When Martha had learnt about the tragedy, she immediately had volunteered to fill the medic's job in the team, which, first unwillingly though, Jack had accepted. They had pondered a lot about recruiting new members, but Jack couldn't have brought himself to get more people involved in danger, not yet. Gwen couldn't blame him, actually, she was relieved that there were only the three of them; she wasn't ready to welcome new people to their family that Torchwood meant. She needed time, and as much as she could state so did Jack.

Becoming reserved and indifferent, he spent most of the time in his office or in the streets of Cardiff, hunting Weevils, all alone. He never joined the girls for night-outs or just some coffee break; he didn't seem to be willing to socialize. He hardly was willing to talk about anything apart from work. Seemingly, he lost his relish for life, and neither Gwen, nor Martha could help him to get him back onto his feet.

(flashback)

_Jack Harkness was sitting at his desk, leaning back on his chair, a glass of scotch in a hand. With the dishevelled hair, scruffy look and weary expression he was just a shadow of the confident, sharp-looking man he used to be. The sleeves of his blue shirt were folded back up to his elbow, revealing a long, dark crimson line and some smudges on his lower arm and wrist. The blood-covered knife was still lying on a pile of paper. _

"_Jack?"_

_Gwen entered his office cautiously. The sight that welcomed her wrenched her heart every single time. _

_Torturing himself, getting suicidal became a habit of his these days, but she never could get used to them – and never wanted to._

_With every slash into his skin, he was expecting some relief and was secretly hoping for a miracle of his body finally would give up and his wounds not healing, he would lose enough blood to die. Every time the knife tore his skin deep, and he winced in pain, he thought of the lost members of his team, considering the agony as punishment. Yet salvation never came, and the wounds healed in a short time._

_Gwen walked up to him. "Jack..." she uttered his name quietly, sitting down on the chair opposite him._

_He didn't show any sign of hearing her. Still staring at the glass in his hand blankly, he was enveloping himself in deep silence. _

_Noticing the burgundy colour on his lower arm, she swallowed hard. God, he's still doing this._

_Retrieving a wet towel from his bathroom, she took his messy arm and started cleaning off the dried blood. However his wounds were about to heal soon, she proceeded the task just as attentive and gently as if it had been a normal cut. _

_The slashes were deep, almost reaching bone, and Gwen mentally slapped him for having caused such an extreme pain deliberately. She was frightened of what other ways would he still find to torture himself._

_She wished she could help him to get out of this deep depression. If only he let her help him. She couldn't bear seeing him suffering like this for much longer._

"_This doesn't get you anywhere," she said low-key, cleansing his wrist cautiously._

_He didn't say a word, which angered her._

"_Oh, so we're going on like this from now on?" she snapped, throwing the towel onto his desk, jumping up from the chair. "You're such a selfish bastard, Jack Harkness!" she was looking daggers. "You think you are the only one who's grieving? The only one suffering from this enormous sorrow? For your information, I lost my husband! Yet, I'm here, trying to help you getting through this misery, but, hell, you don't care at all! Fuck you, Jack, I'm tired of your stubborn resistance!" she gave him one more glance of fury before storming out of the office._

_Jack was still staring at the glass motionlessly when she whirled out. A moment later, the deep silence was broken by the crashing sound of glass on the wall, splinters flying around._

_(end of flashback)_

Grabbing a bunch of fir wig and holly with a sigh, Gwen started to decorate the Hub. She knew there was no use to talk to the Captain now. Sighing again, she resumed humming some holiday-song, while arranging the Christmas decoration.

"Wow! I don't remember this place having been dressed in holiday-decor yet," Martha's voice tinkled in the silence as she emerged from the medic-bay and entering the Hub's core noticed Gwen.

Jerking her head, Gwen smiled broadly at the other woman. "Working in an underground base doesn't mean we should miss the atmosphere of the holidays. This place really needs some decoration to enlighten the mood."

"I know what you mean," Martha glanced toward their boss' office bittersweetly. The young doctor and Gwen had formed a bond during the year passed, becoming good friends and surrogate-sisters to each other.

"I so wish to have the old Jack back," Gwen sighed bitterly.

"I know. He's not that Captain Jack Harkness I have known."

"Will you take care of him while I'm away, won't you? I'm not keen on the idea of leaving, but it's my family and it's Christmas, so..."

"No worries, sure, I will," Martha smiled at her reassuringly. She knew Gwen and Jack had a solid, deep friendship, and she often wondered if, suppressed though, there had been more than that between the two. And since that fatal accident of Rhys and Ianto, she couldn't help pondering if Gwen and Jack ought to have acted on their mutual admiration and attraction. However, neither of them said it aloud, they needed each other. Martha wasn't blind; she could add two and two.

Suddenly, her eyes lit up at an idea occurring her. "But why don't you bring him with you? Some change of air might do him good," she smiled.

Gwen's eyes widened. _Taking Jack home to her parents?_ That sounded a ridiculous idea. But then again, it wasn't such a crazy thought after all.

"I'm taking care of the Hub, so everything's going be okay," Martha assured her convincingly.

"Well, I might give it a try," Gwen's mouth curved into a small smile, the idea's getting to appeal to her. Maybe Martha was right, and some change might do him good. They had nothing to lose.

"You're sweet, but no," Jack firmly refused Gwen's offer.

"Why not? Give me just one good reason," she argued.

"Parents don't like me," he stated simply, while placing a file in the filing cabinet.

"They don't even know you," she pointed out, referring to the effect of the retcon mixed champagne on her wedding.

"That'd better stay so. They don't need to get to know the man bringing danger and death into their daughter's life," he replied grimly.

"Damn you, Jack, would you finally stop acting like this? I'm tired of your brooding. Can't you see that you're losing touch with real world? Isolating yourself doesn't help. It won't bring them back!" she was shouting now. "You can't imprison yourself here forever."

"Gwen, you don't know anything!" he burst out. "You don't know what it feels..."

"I don't? Then tell me! Talk to me, Jack!" her eyes welled up in exasperation. Grabbing his sleeves, she made him face her. "Don't you see what's going on? We're growing apart, and I can't bear that. I need the old Jack..." she cried.

Her tears always made him weak. He hated himself for making her cry. Sighing, he pulled her into a reluctant hug. "I'm here...," he muttered guiltily.

"No, you're not," she countered with a loud sob.

Facing each other, Jack saw the enormous sorrow in her eyes, and his heart sank to realize how much he hurt her.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

He was very well aware of the fact that he had changed since the death of Ianto and Rhys. He knew that, but didn't admit it. He just wanted to cause the less trouble that was possible to the ones he loved. He was death itself walking among the living. Living forever, yet bringing destruction and sorrow to people around. He should have protected them. But he didn't. Many times since that tragic day, he pondered about shutting down Torchwood 3, leaving Cardiff, and starting a new life as a freelancer, an ex-time agent, just like the old times, until finding the Doctor again and leaving Earth for good. That would be the best for everyone, no more deaths by Captain Jack Harkness. The only person who kept him back from doing so was Gwen. Leaving her now wouldn't have been right – she had lost her husband, her friends, had no one else than him and Martha in Cardiff. In addition, he couldn't leave the girls in lurch after all that had happened. He had to stay.

"Jack, please," she pleaded, "let me try to help you," she looked up at him with her pleading big brown eyes. "Come with me. Please."

"Right," he conceded after a short silence. "But I'm warning you, I'm not the best company."

"That might change," she said softly. "Just give it a try. For me. Please."

Tightening his lips, he pulled her closer and gave a little, feathery kiss onto the top of her head.

_I shouldn't have recruited you, Gwen Cooper,_ he sighed. _I had been so wrong to take you here. All I brought into your life was lie, pain, death and danger. You deserve a better life than Torchwood can offer. I'm so sorry..._

"Okay then, leave at last," Martha laughed as Jack, already sitting in the passenger seat of Gwen's car, repeated his orders once more, entrusting the Hub to the doctor.

"You really want us off," Jack narrowed his eyes suspiciously, "are you planning something?"

"Actually, you got me," she giggled, pretending to have been caught. "I'm expecting some handsome, Santas, so you'd better hop off now."

"Martha Jones..." Jack's voice was playfully warning.

"Captain," she saluted with a grin, "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to you too, Martha," Gwen smiled from behind the wheel. "And thank you again!"

The doctor returned a warm, soft smile, "Anytime. What are friends for?"

Gwen nodded happily.

"I want to find everything in one piece when coming back," Jack said warningly.

Martha laughed and waved goodbye. Watching the car pulling out of the parking lot, she wished if only Gwen managed to cheer up their boss by the time they would come back.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you everyone who left me a review, you rock! Here's the second chapter for you! x

* * *

"You should've let me drive," Jack complained as they turned onto the main road.

"You know I love driving. Especially this car that I got for...," she trailed off as she realized what she was about to say.

Jack sighed, glancing at her bitterly. "Just say it. Maybe you're right and I should learn to live with the past..."

Her heart rejoiced at the tiny glimmer of hope that Jack was finally stepping onto the path of healing. She snuck a glimpse at him, smiling softly.

"I love this car. I remember it having been wrapped in red ribbon," she recalled the memories with a nostalgic smile. She had got the black Porsche they were sitting in for her birthday from Jack and Ianto. Jack had joked back then that he had got it for her so she could learn to drive faster. _The impertinent bloke! _

"Ianto spent hours with that," he chuckled half-heartedly, gazing into the distance through the windshield. "He wanted the wrapping to be perfect."

"It was," she reassured him, touching his arm. "It was the most perfect birthday present I've ever had. Honestly," she smiled. "I love it to bits. And I'll remember Ianto and you whenever I'm sitting in it."

He returned a weak smile, but the thought of his lost

lover and all the pain Torchwood brought to his mortal friends wrenched his heart out. _Yet, Gwen was right; he should try to move on. But moving on had never been so hard..._

Gwen glanced over at him. This Jack wasn't the one she had first met. _Where had all the enthusiasm, that mischievous smirk, the brightness in his wonderful blue eyes, that typical flirty and impertinent attitude, the man of innuendos and cheeky remarks gone? He was a shell of his old self._

For the first time ever since the idea of taking Jack home had conceived in her mind, Gwen pondered about her parents' reaction to the Captain staying with them for the holidays. How much might they remember from that twisted wedding, she wondered. Champagne with the touch of level six retcon was a dangerous and very strong combination. They were clueless as to the reason they didn't remember their daughter's wedding, all they had was a small photo album of the pair and a few of the guests. Gwen had decided it was going to be better to prove that the ceremony had happened in case someone would ask too many questions about that day. So some pictures that were snapped with Rhys and the team after the wedding to confirm the act were stuck into the wedding album. Gwen added some of the parents' with them as well, just to avoid further questions. She had to ease her parent's confusion as they kept wondering why they hadn't remembered anything, though obviously having been there. She had to convince them they had been a bit drunk to not to remember anything. She was still a little bit scared that some of the memories would emerge to surface at some point; who knew how trustworthy that retcon-cocktail had been. Maybe the resistance to the stuff was a family thing and, like her after the first encounter with Jack, the Coopers were partly immune to retcon. Her parents hadn't shown any sign of remembering the events of that day so far though, and Gwen hoped it would stay that way.

It was already dark when they got to Swansea.

She turned onto the drive of the Victorian house and stopped the car.

"Ready?" she asked Jack.

"Do I have any other choice?" he replied with a weak smile.

"Don't think so," Gwen chuckled.

Nostalgia touched her as she got out of the car and drew in a deep breath of the home air. She hadn't been home for so long...

Her thoughts were cut off by a rejoicing voice. Turning around, she saw her Mum running toward her.

"Darling!" the elder woman pulled her daughter into a tight and passionate hug, relishing the presence of her child.

"Hi Mum," Gwen hugged her back happily.

"Oh, honey, haven't seen you for so long!" pulling back, the woman searched her daughter's face, drinking in her sight. A tear of happiness escaped from her eyes. "Are you alright, sweetie?"

Gwen smiled thankfully for the care and worry. "I'm fine, Mum."

Her father emerged from the house, the same happy smile on his face as he spotted Gwen.

"Gwennie! My little girl! So nice to see you again, duckling," he pulled her into a strong fatherly embrace. "We missed you so much."

"I missed you too."

Mary Cooper suddenly noticed the extra person and, with a puzzled expression, she inquired, "Oh, you didn't come alone?" she glanced at Gwen. "Who is he?"

Released from her dad's hug, Gwen looked at Jack, beckoning him to come closer.

"Mum, Dad, this is Jack Harkness, my boss," she introduced him to her surprised parents. "I hope you don't mind another guest," she looked at her parents with a shy smile. "I invited him for the holidays. I didn't want him staying alone at Christmas. It's been a hard year..."

"My girl has a heart as big as the ocean," Geraint Cooper beamed, squeezing Gwen's arm. "Sure, he can stay, right, love?" he looked at his wife for reassurance.

"Yes... Yes," she stammered, still surprised. "Mr. Harkness, nice to meet you."

Jack flashed a charming smile at her, "The pleasure all is mine, Mrs. Cooper."

Gwen could hardly suppress her chuckle – _Jack flirting with her mum... He never changes._

Mary watched him with narrow eyes. This man was somehow familiar, but she couldn't place where she had seen him before.

Seemingly, Mary was taken aback by the unusual politeness, while Geraint was watching the scene with a content smile.

"It's always nice to have one more male in the house," he said.

"Daddy!" Gwen scolded him, which earned a laugh from him.

"What now? Finally, I have some matching company. Women can drive me crazy at times," he noted to Jack.

"Geraint!" Mary sent him a mocking glance.

"See?" he asked Jack.

Gwen chuckled, then exclaimed gladly as she noticed the family's dog, begging for her attention. "Delilah!" she crouched down and petted the shepherd dog. It was seemingly over the moon to see Gwen again and wiggled its tail happily.

After the mutual welcome, Delilah turned to Jack and sniffed him curiously. Deciding to like this new two-legged being, she continued the tail-wiggling and barked friendly.

"She likes you," Gwen chuckled. _The intergalactic Casanova; even dogs fall for him._

"We should go inside," Mary said. "It's cold outside."

Everyone agreed and they entered the house. Its interior had already been dressed in colourful paper decoration, mistletoe and holly. According to the Welsh custom, the Christmas tree was supposed to be set up in the household in the leading days to Christmas, yet the Coopers didn't want to change their family tradition of decorating it together. Since Gwen couldn't get away from her job earlier, they decided to wait for her with that fun. However, for the sake of the tradition, they had set up a tiny one in the foyer.

"Are you in the army?" Gwen's father asked Jack, once inside, noting the infamous grey coat.

"Not anymore," he replied. "It's been a long time."

"Couldn't have been that long, you're too young."

_If you only knew_, Gwen thought.

"Well, time is relative," Jack said with a knowing smile, exchanging a look with Gwen.

"Ger, darling, you two will have plenty of time for chatting," Mary chimed in, "let the kids breath after the long journey." Then she turned to Gwen, "Lead Mr. Harkness into the guest-room. Dinner is going to be served in the dining-room in fifteen minutes."

Gwen smiled and hugged her mum once again.

"Thank you, again, Mrs. Cooper," Jack sent a thankful glance at Mary before following his second-in-command.

"Has Gwen ever mentioned this guy?" Mary asked her husband, puzzled, when Gwen and Jack were out of hearing distance.

"Hmm, I don't remember," he rubbed his chin. "Anyway, apparently he is a nice young man. And my duckling really deserves some happiness after all that had happened."

"You think there's something between them?" she mused.

He shrugged. "Why not? When did Gwen bring a man home last time? Except for Rhys?"

She pondered his words. "Well, maybe you're right... "

Smiling, Geraint put an arm around the shoulders of his wife, "Whatever, what matters is that Gwen is home for the holidays."

"Yes," she smiled and kissed him on the cheek.


	3. Chapter 3

"I know you're not used to such comfort like this, but hope you'll enjoy it," Gwen opened the door of the guest-room with a shy smile.

The Victorian furniture of dark-mahogany contrasted perfectly with the wallpaper, carpet and the curtain's yellow colour turning into golden shade. Even the cover of the double bed matched the scheme of the wall. The windows facing the backyard's garden provided the guests a nice view.

This luxury was definitely not what Captain Jack Harkness was used to.

"Well, I'll try to manage it," he replied.

"We should join my parents for dinner; you can unpack after that."

He nodded.

"Gwen," he called to her before they walked out of the room.

Turning around, she looked at him inquiringly.

"Thank you," he uttered quietly.

She smiled warmly at him, then, grabbing his hand, she led him down the stairs.

"So, Mr. ...erm...?" puzzled, already forgotten the guest's surname, Geraint turned to Jack somewhere between the soup and the main dish.

"Harkness," he came to his aid immediately.

"Yes, Mr. Harkness. So you're my daughter's boss. Don't take it an offense, but I'd thought you were a bit older."

_You're damn right_, Jack smirked in mind. _If you knew how much._

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Gwen's blush at her father's blunt statement. He was sure she liked the topic of the conversation. She was uneasy about talking of her work, and well, he could rather understand that. Torchwood wasn't a job you could chitchat about; you had to be careful with your words. As for Jack, he was ready for the questions; he already knew how to handle them. Actually, he enjoyed the challenge; it was like the game where you weren't allowed to use certain words. The only thing that made this round more difficult was that he didn't know what Gwen had told her parents to cover Torchwood.

"I am," Jack smirked at Geraint, "I just use effective beauty-treatments."

"You can't be more than thirty-eight," Mary said.

Jack's smile broadened, "I'm more than that, believe me."

Mary's incredulous look met his.

"Mum, Dad, I don't think discussing someone's age is appropriate," uncomfortably, Gwen cut in to change topic. "Especially if he's my boss," she added with a shy chuckle.

Jack grinned.

"Well, my daughter is right," Geraint surrendered with a smile. "I apologize, Mr. Harkness."

"No harm done, Mr. Cooper. But call me Jack, please. "

"Jack," he noted.

During the rest of the dinner they talked about neutral issues like the holidays and weather in Swansea. The parents proudly shared some stories of their daughters' childhood Christmases, which, on the contrary to Gwen, Jack found really amusing. By the end of the dinner, he knew more of the little Gwen than, according to her scolding smile, she would have been willing to share.

_Not fair_, Gwen noted, she still didn't know Jack Harkness, while he already knew her more and more.

Shutting the door, Gwen stopped in the middle of her room. The familiar bed-covers, walls and furniture were so reassuring. She felt safe, like she had gone back in time. This room was part of her life, the shelter where she always felt safe. Taking her look around, viewing the knick-knackery, the soft, stuffed animals and the framed photos on the shelves, a nostalgic, sentimental smile crept onto her face. Photos of her with friends from the neighbourhood and college were displayed behind the glasses. _Oh my god, that was so long ago_, she smiled_. Twelve years or more?_ _Long before Torchwood. Now it seemed like another life..._

Dropping down onto the bed, she let herself fall back on the covers. _Mmm, her old bed!_ It was still comfy. Turning her head toward the nightstand table, she spotted another picture in a frame. Reaching for it, her mouth curved into a warm smile as she gazed at the photo. _Those nice old times_, she sighed, her eyes welling up.

A soft knock on the door put her out of the nostalgic reverie. Dropping the photo onto the bed, she wiped her eyes and standing up, walked to the door.

"I don't want to disturb you-," Jack was about to apologize, but then he noticed Gwen's moist eyes. "Is everything alright?"

"Sure," she smiled, letting him in.

"So this is the place where you grew up," he muttered, looking around in the room.

"It is," she smiled proudly. "Not quite what you expected, is it?"

"Well, I didn't think you sleep with this," he picked up the teddy bear from her pillows and looked at her with his brow raised.

"I don't," she pouted. "Not anymore."

"See? I knew," he dropped the teddy back onto the pillow. That's when he noticed the picture Gwen had put down onto the bed. Picking it up, his expression became grimmer, and he swallowed hard. It was a photo of Gwen and Rhys in a warm embrace. They looked so happy in the picture that the thought of the cruel present wrenched his heart. A gorgeous couple whose life _he_ had completely and irreversibly ruined.

Gwen immediately noted the change of his look, and it made her heart sink. He was still fighting the enormous guilt, she knew that, and she wished she could make him understand that what happened hadn't been his fault.

"This was a bad idea, I rather go back to the Hub," Jack said with determination, after taking a deep breath. Tossing the photo to Gwen, he headed to the door

She just stared at him for a moment, then jumped in front of him to block his way.

"No, you don't," she faced him firmly. "I don't let you back out so easily."

"Gwen, I can't stay here," he countered, almost pleading. "All these happy memories of you and Rhys, knowing that I'm the reason why he doesn't live anymore, it's too much, I can't take it. If your parents knew that they welcomed the murderer of their son-in-law..."

"The hell, Harkness, would you finally stop self-reproaching?" she burst out, her eyes piercing his. "You're not responsible for what happened! No one is. It was a bloody accident! You don't have anything to do with it. It could have happened to me instead of Rhys. And you know what? I wish it had been me sitting in that car with Ianto. It should have been me!" tears rolled down on her cheeks.

Jack was standing there stunned and ashamed.

"Don't wish that..." he pulled her close, burying his head into her soft hair, "Please, don't." He felt her tears soaking his shirt, and he felt his heart in his throat "Having lost them is painful enough, but if it had been you..." he couldn't hold back his tears anymore, "I couldn't bear it..."

She felt his arms tightening around her, and she could tell he was truly desperate.

"Stay, please," Gwen looked into his eyes.

Her brown pools were shimmering with tears, locking his gaze pleadingly. He could tell she was truly anxious of him leaving, and it touched his heart.

"Jack," Gwen called him quietly, "I know it's hard for you, but try to loosen up a bit these days. Try to forget all the misery, and focus on the here and now. Do it for me. Please."

He looked at her for a long moment in silence, and then bowed his head. "I can't promise you anything, I..."

"I don't want promises," she said firmly, looking into his eyes, "just give it a chance. Give _me_ a chance to get you back into life."

Sighing, he was about to protest, but Gwen shushed him. "Just think about it," she asked. "Please."

He nodded, and saying goodnight, left the room.

Gwen sank onto her bed, and, snuggling to the teddy bear, watched after him thoughtfully.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm sorry for the delay, but both I and my beta had real life issues. Also I've been ill twice in 2 months, hope that was it for 2011.

Thanks a lot to Alice for stepping in to beta this chapter, you rock!

And thankies to everyone who read and like this story.

* * *

Next morning, after breakfast, Gwen decided to show Jack around outside the house. So – with Delilah in the lead – they made their way into the garden, taking a walk in the thick, sparkling, crunchy snow.

Jack buttoned up his coat, turning up his collar as well, and sank his freezing hands into his pockets. The weather was cold, colder than in Cardiff. He glanced at Gwen, who was wearing a puffy white winter-coat with fluffy, artificial fur at the neck and hem of the hood and sleeves. She looked cute in it, he noted. This was Gwen Cooper outside of Torchwood. The woman with a normal, happy life, everything that Torchwood wasn't. During the conversations with her parents, he caught glimpses of her life before Cardiff, the young girl who had never thought she would end up on the dark side of life, chasing aliens and other unknown creatures, and wearing more weight on her shoulders than a normal life would put upon them. He felt like he had foully enticed her away from the brightness to the dangerous dark side, a side which brought sorrow and fear into one's life.

"I so love the smell of winter in Swansea." Closing her eyes, Gwen took a deep breath of the fresh, sharp air of the country. "It's not something you have in Cardiff."

She was right – this clear and refreshing, cold air was a peculiarity of the countryside. Owen wouldn't like it, he noted, remembering that one time the team had gone for a trip to the countryside. The doctor had pulled faces even at the smell of grass, he reminisced bittersweetly.

Gwen noticed the grim look flash across Jack's face. "Are you alright?"

He nodded with a sigh. "Yeah."

"If you want to talk about anything, I'm here to listen," she said softly. "We're not in the Hub now, you don't have to be the strong and brave leader. So whatever is on your mind, you can share it. " She touched his arm, looking at him reassuringly.

He averted his look, staring into the distance. "With time, I thought I'd get used to it, that I'd get over the losses with less pain. Yet, a century gone and it hasn't become easier. Every time I lose a member of my team, a friend, someone I should have saved but didn't, I feel another hole being torn into my soul. I slowly die inside with every person dying around me. I might not be able to die physically, but I can inside. This team was THE team for me. I haven't had a better one during my hundred years in Torchwood. You, Tosh, Owen and Ianto were the best team-members a leader could have asked for. Wonderful people, not only colleagues, but a family. And now they're gone. Forever." His eyes welled up.

Gwen's hand found his, and her fingers intertwined with his cold ones. Her heart sank at the intense sorrow in his soul.

"Whenever I let people get close to me, they leave me. Most of them die, some want to keep their distance from me, and I don't blame them for that. I'm more than dangerous," his voice faltered.

"It's not you. It's the nature of this job we do. Everyone who signed up to work at Torchwood knew what to expect. They all knew the risks, yet took them. Just like we did. You offered the chance, but we decided to go for it. Death was one of the risks, and we were aware of it right from the beginning. You're not responsible for any of those deaths." She squeezed his fingers. "And you are certainly not responsible for what happened to Tosh, Owen, Ianto or Rhys," she added quietly.

He turned to her, his eyes gazing hers. Her big, dark pools were glassy with unshed tears, yet shining with honesty and warmth care. He couldn't be grateful enough for her support and undying trust. She was always there for him, her humanity and faith saving him, even from himself, time after time.

"Stop torturing yourself over something you're not guilty for," she said softly. "And, please, stop hurting me by pushing me away. I can't bear that anymore..."

"I'm sorry." Gulping back a tear, he pulled her into a hug. "I never intended to hurt you. I just feel so lost and devastated. My team... this loss is more than I can deal with..." he sniffed.

"You haven't lost the whole team. I'm still here."

He pulled back to look at her. "What would I do without you? You're all I have."

"I won't go anywhere, and Martha is here for you, too." She smiled reassuringly.

After a long while Jack gave her a small, heartfelt smile - the first in a long time.

"Having a little walk?" a cheery voice interrupted them. Turning around, they saw the smiling Geraint approaching them, an axe in hand. Delilah was suddenly there at the feet of her owner, wailing her tail. Geraint scratched the dog's neck and looked at his daughter and Jack with a warm smile. "I'm going to collect our Christmas tree. Feel like helping me?"

"Sure, Mr. Cooper." Jack pulled a small smile, shifting his weight, and composing himself after the emotional breakdown. Glancing at Gwen, he earned a warm smile and delighted nod from her.

"No, my son," Geraint scolded him gently, "not Mr. Cooper, please. It gives me the creeps." He shivered theatrically. "Call me Geraint."

Gwen smiled inside. _Jack was bonding with her family_. She liked it indeed. Maybe some family-warmth would do his shattered feelings and tormented heart some good. She was grateful to her father for, albeit unknowingly, helping her to get Jack back onto the bright path of life.

Jack smirked at the other man. "Thank you, Geraint, that's an honour."

"You have manners, Jack," he noted appreciatively. "It's rare these days. This new generation lacks decency. Where did you serve?"

_God, here we go again_, Gwen swallowed. She knew this was risky territory for Jack to talk about. She glanced at him, prepared to see uneasiness on his face, but she was surprised to see a casual and proud smile appear in the corner of his mouth as he replied.

"Royal Air Force, 133rd Squadron. It was a long time ago, when I was quite young. Sometimes I wonder if it was real at all."

"Well, being a soldier is pretty popular thing these days. Just look at those young men volunteering for missions in the East or the States. I remember when I was in the army, back when I was young; we didn't have a choice whether to join or not."

"I signed up because of my respect for someone who had been in the military. I felt I owed him that much."

Geraint looked at Jack, impressed, giving him a small, respectful smile.

"Right, we're here," Gwen announced cheerfully. She gazed at the large pine forest ahead of them. "So, are we getting our tree or not?"

Geraint smiled at her, "That's what we've come for, isn't it?"

After some time, covered in the snow fallen from the trees' branches during the search, the three made their way back to the house with a nice, large pine tree. Delilah was happy as Gwen and Jack kept throwing her little twigs to fetch, so she had quality playtime.

Once, the dog sprinted back to Gwen with such a force that she knocked her down into the deep, thick snow.

"Delilah!" Gwen squealed, hitting ground. "Bad dog," she scolded, but it didn't affect Delilah who considered it as part of the game and just stood there, wagging her tail.

Geraint laughed at the scene and Jack could not hold back a chuckle, either.

"I'm glad you find it that funny," she frowned, rolling her eyes, while pushing a snowy strain of hair out of her face.

"Didn't say anything," her Dad protested, still grinning. He quickened his steps towards the patio, with the tree under his arm.

"Thank you, Daddy!" she shouted after him mockingly, then turned her look to Jack. "Are you going to stand there all day, or give me a hand?"

He walked up to her, still suppressing a grin, and reached for her. "Come on, Snow-white!"

Glaring at him, sitting in the bright-white snow, she grabbed his hand, but instead of standing up, she yanked him down to her.

Taken by surprise he lost his balance and the next moment Jack found himself in the snow, half on the top of Gwen.

Having accomplished the act of revenge, Gwen giggled loudly. Their hands still held underneath Jack, he gauged the situation and, being on top, he pushed her back into the snow.

She gaped at the unexpected move but once she registered the funny side of the moment. She couldn't help but bursting out in a laugh.

She was happy to see Jack's mood change for the better. It seemed he had thought about what she said last night and she appreciated it.

Carefully, so as not to break any branches, Geraint managed to squeeze the tree through the large glass door that led into the living room. Turning to close door he caught the sight of Gwen and Jack having a power-struggle in the snow and couldn't help but smile.

"Have you got it?" Mary Cooper strolled into the room.

"Yes," her husband turned toward her, the amused smile still on his face."A very nice one indeed."

"Great," she smiled in contentment, inhaling the sweet scent of the pine that filled the room immediately. "What's so funny?" she asked, noticing his amused look.

"Come and see," he beckoned her to the window and pulled the curtain back.

As soon as she saw their daughter and Jack lying and laughing in the snow, a small warm smile crept into the corner of her mouth.

"So what do you think?" he asked, referring back to their earlier conversation.

"They are sweet," she mused, not breaking her gaze at the two. "Like big children. I haven't seen Gwen acting like this since Rhys..."

"Exactly," he agreed. "He seems to be a nice guy and has manners. Talked to him a little on the way to the forest. He had served in the Royal Air Force. I guess his father was a soldier too, and Jack joined the military to show his respect for him."

"So you've already interviewed him, huh?" she laughed.

"Just a little bit," he smirked. "Whatever, I like him. And, obviously, my duckling likes him too."

"Yes," she said with a smile, watching Gwen struggling against Jack, still laughing loudly.

"Are you going to ask her about him?"

"Me?"

"You're her mother," he stared at her suggestively. "It's a common fact that girls would rather talk to their mother about romantic issues."

"She'll tell us about them when she thinks it's time," Mary settled the question. "If there's anything to tell."

"Believe me, there is," he smirked.

"Well, dear, musing won't put the tree in its place," she patted his shoulder teasingly, and then set out to the kitchen, "so you'd better get to work on that."

"Yes, m'am," he smiled, and embarked on the task.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

First of all, thanks a lot for the reviews. xxx

Second, I'm sorry for the delay again, looks like this fic is cursed. LOL Real life crossed my plans of writing in more ways.

Hope you'll like this chappie too. Dedicated to Alice, my awesome beta. And thanks a lot for the unexpected constructive criticism from IndeMaat.

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Gwen squealed as cold snow met her nape. Grabbing a fistful of snow, she threw it at Jack. He flinched at the sensation of the cold crystals on his cheek, but didn't release his hold on her.

Staring at her, he couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was – her flushed cheeks and her dark-brown hair were the perfect contrast to the sparkling white snow, and the heartfelt smile on her face made her even more gorgeous.

She looked up at him, gazing back into the ice-blue eyes, eyes whose blueness could compare with the pale blue of the winter sky. Snow-crystals stuck to his spiky brown hair, sparkling like glitter. His look was playfully menacing, a slight smirk was hiding in the corner of his mouth.

Gwen was staring at him, drinking in the sight she had been missing so much – Jack finally letting himself go a bit. After all the time he had spent brooding and buried in the silence and darkness of grief, it was a big step on the way of healing.

Barking at them, Delilah broke the silent moment, drawing their attention to her.

"She's jealous," Gwen grinned. "Your charm seems to have worked on the family's dog as well."

"Who else?" he prompted playfully.

"Well, my Dad obviously likes you, and I'm sure my Mum is blown away by your politeness, too."

"And what about you, Miss Cooper?" he smirked smugly.

His warm breath tickled her face. "Well, you have to work on that," she teased.

_Was it just her imagination or did she really see light turning his eyes a brighter shade of blue?_

Delilah had her own answer to the unasked question, which she shared with them by yelping.

A shiver ran through Gwen at his strange gaze. His weight still on her, she realized how close they were. Another tremble hit her body at the sudden realization of how good it felt.

"You're shivering," he noted, anxiety etched on his features. "We should get back into the house. No one wants you to catch a cold."

Though she hadn't shivered due to cold, she agreed. Rolling off of her and standing up, he helped her up from the ground before dusting the snow off of his coat.

The sky was getting darker, the early twilight of winter hitting the country.

Jack wrapped an arm around her, rubbing her arm to warm her. They were walking in silence, neither of them knowing what to say. Both of them felt that those playful moments were different to the ones they had experienced together before. Despite the obviously mutual admiration and special connection, they had never acted on the attraction between them. No matter how bedazzling Jack's charm was, Gwen couldn't have hurt Rhys, she loved him more than that. Jack was a special person in her life, that was undeniable. But now, a long time after Rhys' death, the walls of grief and faith seemed to be falling down, and the forbidden and suppressed emotions toward Jack were reawakening slowly. But she had been pretending for so long that the tiny spark was scaring her.

Mirroring Gwen's thinking, Jack didn't know how to handle the obviously new situation. Something had happened there in the snow, he knew that, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. Sure, he was attracted to her, always had been, and this attraction hadn't been dissipated by the fact that he had been in a relationship with Ianto. As an immortal, omnisexual, 51st century man, he had realized long ago that he couldn't approach matters of the heart like anyone else. He had room for more than one person in his heart, could love more than one guy or girl, or whatever other species at the same time, and it wasn't against his morals. He had fancied the Doctor, had eyes for Gwen, and shared his bed with Ianto, and it was alright. As a matter of fact, it was a common thing in the 51st century. Yet, now that he didn't have Ianto by his side anymore, the Doctor wasn't the one he had known and Gwen was alone, after such a long while, he had a hard time adjusting to this situation. Moreover, he was still battling the weight of guilt and grief, blaming himself for all the losses that Torchwood and its members suffered. That little moment with Gwen in the snow had stirred something in him, shaking off his mood of grief and self-loathing and, after more than a year, a tiny spark had ignited in his heart, a faint strain of light sneaking into his gloomy, tortured soul.

Delilah came to save the day, insisting that the two should play with her. This distraction seemed to be enough to snap Jack and Gwen out of their thoughts and cause them to resume their casual attitude. They kept throwing a twig to the dog on the way back to the house, which Delilah kept fetching happily, wagging her tail.

"Mmm, it's much better inside," Gwen noted as they entered the foyer, enjoying the warmth in the house and shrugging off her coat.

Hearing their voices, Mary appeared at the kitchen-door. "Had a nice walk?" she smiled, the earlier image of the two in the snow still on her mind.

"Yeah, but it's freezing outside." Gwen rubbed her cold hands. "Especially if you end up on the ground in the snow." She glanced reproachfully at Jack, who just smirked with a 'you-were-not-the-only-one-down-there' look.

"A cup of hot coffee will do you good," Mary suggested, inviting them into the kitchen. "And how do you like the countryside, Jack?" she inquired, pouring some of the hot, dark liquid into two cups, while the two settled at the kitchen-table.

"Beautiful," he replied, looking at Gwen.

Catching his glance, Gwen felt the heat rising in her cheeks at the way he looked at her. That one word meant more than a simple reply to the question. She wasn't vain, but she knew Jack meant what he said. She had known him too long not to notice the subtle meaning behind his words.

"Great." Mary turned around and placed the tray with the cups, sugar, and milk on the table. "There's nothing like the fresh winter air of Swansea."

"Mmm, this coffee is really good," Jack noted in surprise. Almost as delicious as Ianto's espresso, he sighed in mind and turned to Gwen. "You've never told me that your mother is the coffee-queen of Swansea," he raised a brow. "What else are you keeping secret from me?"

"You don't need to know everything, Jack Harkness," Gwen smirked mysteriously.

Mrs. Cooper, blushing at the compliment, giggled at the scene unfolding in front of her and noting her daughter's flirty attitude. Gwen definitely likes this man, she concluded. And she couldn't blame her. _Apparently, Jack Harkness had the gift of bedazzling charm. _

"Just so you know, Miss Cooper, we have so not finished this talk," he said in a low voice, leaning closer.

"Mary!" Geraint's voice called from the living room. "Where are the scissors?"

"On the mantelpiece," she shouted.

"I can't see them there."

Sighing, Mary excused herself and walked into the room, leaving Jack and Gwen alone.

"You know, you should change into some normal clothes," Gwen said. "You can't walk around in period clothing all the time here. That'd be weird."

He nodded in surrender, finishing his coffee.

Gwen acknowledged his mood-change immediately. "You know I like them, but..." She put a hand on his arm.

"It's okay, Gwen," he replied quietly, staring at the cup in his hand. "You're right, it'd be weird."

_He's still __riding the rollercoaster of depression_, she noted sadly. _I should be more careful of what I say_.

"'Cause I AM a weird man on this conventional planet," Jack continued. "I don't belong here. I thought I could find my place here in Torchwood, but..." He sighed bitterly.

"You've found your place, you don't know that?" she muttered, sliding her hand on his and intertwining their fingers. "You are right where you need to be. Torchwood is what it is because of you. It needs you. And Martha and I need you too. You belong in Cardiff with us. We belong together."

He turned his head toward her, his eyes searching hers. His fingers caressed hers, tightening the grip on them. "I wish all you said was true," he uttered, fighting his tears, "but I don't know what to believe anymore."

"Jack, I am the person I am now because I believe in you. Could you believe in me this time?" her eyes locked with his, desperately seeking an answer in his glassy, blue pools.

He bit his lips, and a runaway tear escaped from his eye. Now he understood what real faith meant. This woman holding his hand was Faith itself. She never stopped believing in him, not even when she did not approve his actions, not when his plans deserved to be doubted. She believed in him even in death and had stayed beside his dead body for days after the battle against Abaddon. She never gave up on him. When everyone else turned away from him, she was still there. She was his energy, his light and shelter. He couldn't appreciate her care enough. Suddenly, he realized how much he must have hurt her by pushing her away after Ianto's death, by refusing her help. Yet, she still believed in him, more than he ever believed in himself. How could he not see all along what a treasure he was holding in his hand?

"I'm sorry," that was all he could manage to say, gulping his silent tears. His teeth left their mark on his bottom lip as he fought to keep from crying and his vision clouded from the tears welling up in his eyes. Not being able to speak, he just grabbed her hand, and lifted to his mouth, placing a desperate kiss on her soft skin. His whole soul begged for forgiveness, however he knew he wasn't worthy of her undying faith.

The runaway tear landed on her skin, sending a shiver of compassion down her spine. It was only a single drop, yet its emotional weight burnt like a glass of hot water. His exasperate plea wrenched her heart, and she had to swallow hard to avoid crying. Emerging from the chair, she pulled Jack to her, so his head rested against her belly, and her free hand drew shushing circles on his back. Jack was still clinging to her other hand for dear life, his lips never breaking contact with her skin.

Mrs. Cooper appeared in the doorframe, but as soon as she saw the emotional moment, she stopped in her tracks. Her eyes met her daughter's. Gwen shook her head as a signal of 'not now' and Mary, nodding, returned to the living room.

"Let it go," Gwen whispered hoarsely, her hand leaving his back and moving to his head, caressing his hair tenderly. "Cry, Jack, just cry."

"I'm so sorry," he sobbed against her belly, his hot tears soaking her top. "Please forgive me..." His tense body shook heavily under her hand and Gwen couldn't hold back her tears either. Seeing Jack this vulnerable and emotionally tormented hurt too much. She would have done anything to make him feel right again. Anytime. Jack Harkness with the dazzling smile was not meant to cry.

"I do," she whispered, her fingers sliding through his hair.

They stayed clinging to each other until Jack's sobs died and the tension eased in his body. When Jack pulled away he looked up at Gwen, ignoring the fact that his eyes were red and puffy, and his face was not the face of the confident, handsome Captain Jack Harkness, but a weak, weary, emotionally tortured man.

Gwen, looking down at him, had never seen him so beautiful. He was just as human as anyone else, immortal or not. He could be hurt and suffer just like anyone else with a heart. He had tried to keep the mask of the strong leader on in order to run Torchwood efficiently. Burying his real feelings, heartache, worry, and anxiety had been a tough task. Eventually the time came when he couldn't pretend anymore; the glass was full. All the pain and sorrow of losing members of his team, people he loved and cared for was too much. Yet, he still tried to maintain the image of the invincible leader, an example to follow, but the breakdown was bound to come. That was natural.

Touching his face gently, she smiled at him softly, and caressed his wet cheek.

Her feathery touch felt so good, so reassuring, and Jack realized that she had been right when she said they belong together. She was his guardian angel, the guiding light in his life.

He smiled back at her, giving her the sincere, radiant smile she had been waiting to see on his handsome face again. His eyes never leaving hers, he kissed the hand he was still holding.

After what felt like an eternity, Gwen was finally happy again. Jack's soul seemed to have started to heal, and he let her be there for him. It was just a matter of time until the old Jack was back.

"I believe in you, Gwen," he broke the silence. "Always have, always will. Never doubt that."

Smiling warmly, she bent down and placed a tender kiss on the top of his head.

He smiled back and, squeezing her hand, said, "I'd better get changed."

She nodded. "I'll be in the living room."

When Gwen entered the room, her father was still troubling with the tree, and her mum was arranging the boxes filled with decoration.

"How are you proceeding?" Gwen asked.

"Just a matter of time," Mary noted sarcastically, glancing at her husband and the tree.

Laughing, Gwen dropped herself down onto the couch beside her mother.

"It's so good to have you home," Mary lovingly put her hand on Gwen's. "And to see you smiling again." The previous year, after Rhys's death, Gwen had been too devastated to enjoy the holidays. Jack had insisted she spend that time with her family rather than in the empty flat or the Hub with him around. She had come home more to pay a formal visit than to celebrate. That was the saddest Christmas of her life.

"This year hasn't been an easy one, but I had to find my way," she said quietly. "I miss Rhys and my friends, I always will, but I had to move on. There's my job, and there are still people who need me."

"That's my girl," Mary squeezed her daughter's hand. "Jack is a lucky man to have you around."

Gwen blushed and was about to reply, when the sound of footsteps greeted her ear from the direction of the hallway and Jack appeared in the doorframe. Luckily she was already sitting, otherwise she might have lost her balance at the unexpected sight.

The man standing in the doorframe was not the Captain Jack Harkness she knew. Instead of the period clothing, he was wearing light-blue jeans and white T-shirt.

Gwen was just gaping at her boss in surprise, taken aback by the unusual sight of Jack dressed in anything other than his beloved RAF uniform. She had to admit, however, he looked great no matter what he was wearing.

He smiled broadly at her, enjoying her reaction.

"You've arrived just in time to join the family tradition, son," Geraint called from beside the tree, smiling at Jack. "The tree is ready to decorate."

"Good to have a pair of extra hands around this year," Mary noted. "We'll be able to make up for the time we lost due to your slowness at least," she glanced at her husband, then turned to Jack. "You don't mind helping us, do you, Jack?"

"Of course not," he flashed a bright smile at her.

Gwen couldn't help but notice how friendly her parents were towards Jack. For a stranger, it was unusual. They didn't like all of her friends, and they were especially cautious about her male ones. Yet, seemingly, they liked Jack, which was an utter relief.

She grabbed a box of ornaments and handed it to Jack. "Let's see if you're as good at this as hunting Weevils," she whispered with a smirk.

Geraint started to sing a carol while carefully placing the lights on the upper branches of the pretty pine. Mary joined in, and looked at the two guests encouragingly.

"It's tradition, come on, sing with us," Gwen muttered to Jack, joyous light sparkling in her eyes.

He wasn't too keen on singing in front of others, but he couldn't disappoint Gwen and her family.

About an hour later, the gorgeously decorated tree was standing proudly in the Coopers' living room.

"Good job, Captain," Gwen complimented her boss, taking in the sight of the shining Christmas tree.

"There are lots of things I'm good at that you don't know about yet," he murmured into her ear with a small, smug grin.

Those words and his warm breath on her neck sent a shiver down on her spine. Her thoughts wandered into forbidden places, and she almost said aloud 'fill me in'.

As if he had read her thoughts, he said, "If you're a good girl, I might tell you about them."

"I'm not sure I want to know them," she retorted, pretending she didn't care.

"I think you do," he smirked. "The Gwen Cooper I know has been dying to know more about me."

That was true. _Damn you, Jack._

_TBC  
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	6. Chapter 6

IntellectualBadAss, RossyBowties and ebineez01 - Thank you for the reviews! This chapter is dedicated to you! :) x

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After dinner that evening, the extended family and Jack settled in the living room, sipping dessert wine and chatting about anything and everything. Somehow, an old family photo-album came out, and Gwen's parents proudly showed the photos of their life to Jack. There were many pictures of Gwen as a baby and child, which made her feel uneasy. The fact that Jack was learning more and more about her private life felt strange and somewhat uncomfortable. They were colleagues and friends, good friends indeed, but letting someone peek so deeply into one's privacy was something that one only did when more committed to the other. Gwen still didn't know where she stood with Jack, and she suspected she would never really know him.

Jack on the other hand seemed to be enjoying the visual guide to his second-in-command's childhood; he was listening to the anecdotes and comments curiously.

Having finished the last bottle of wine, everyone was tired enough to call it a night.

Once out of hearing distance, on the way upstairs, Gwen faced Jack with a serious expression.

"Everything you saw and heard is strictly private. Don't you ever try to use any of those against me, or I have to kill you. Many times. Slowly."

She was so serious that Jack couldn't help but breaking into a grin. "Are you threatening me, PC Cooper?"

"I'm just warning you, Harkness," she gave him a sugary smile, then turned and walked up the stairs.

His look followed her steps. She never tired of daring and teasing him, and he liked that.

Later, Gwen entered the bathroom, tying her hair up into a bundle. The room was full of hot steam, proving that someone had just had a shower. She wiped the humid vapour off the mirror, and, grabbing a cosmetic pad, removed her make-up carefully. Walking toward the shower-cabin, she froze in her tracks, noticing a shadow behind the frosted glass. She didn't have time to move and turn around because the cabin's door opened, revealing the naked and wet figure of Captain Jack Harkness. He was seemingly surprised to see Gwen too, but, as usually, he was fast at acclimating to new circumstances.

Flashing a grin at her, he said, "Too bad I've already finished. However, I'm willing to go again if you want to join."

Gwen couldn't break her gaze away from his naked, glistening torso. She needed all her strength to keep her look above his waist.

"Do you like what you see?" he smirked cheekily, not hurrying to cover himself.

Gwen felt the heat rising in her cheeks. The air was already hot in the bathroom, and the arousing sight of the man she dreamed of many nights didn't help calm her rocketing pulse.

"Will you pass me a towel, or are you coming in?" he asked with a mischievous smile.

Taking a deep breath, she grabbed a towel from the rack and threw it to Jack. She turned away from the distracting sight of him, trying to compose herself.

Still grinning, Jack wrapped the towel around his waist and stepped out of the shower.

"You don't know what you're missing," he walked up to behind Gwen, and murmured into her ear playfully. In spite of the heat in the room, a shiver swept through her body at his breath circling her neck. She jumped a little as a runaway drop of water from his hair landed on her bare skin at the curve of her neck. The scent of his shower-gel was lingering around them – all masculine and sexy.

She was torn between the desire to turn around and kiss him senselessly and the reasonable choice of listening to her mind and leaving the room. She was attracted to him, but she was also scared.

"Finish what you were doing, I'll see you later," she managed to utter the words as if she wasn't affected by the situation.

Jack was still smiling when she left the bathroom.

Closing her eyes, Gwen leaned on the bathroom door. She was inhaling deeply, trying to calm her fast-beating heart. The smell of his shower-cream was still filling her nose, and the memory of his breath on her neck made her blood rush quicker in her veins.

He hadn't had this strong an effect on her since that first gun-training session in the basement. She always managed to suppress her attraction to him while the others were around. She couldn't have fallen for him; it was forbidden. She had had Rhys, and Jack had Ianto. They would have destroyed too many lives if having given into temptation. Neither Rhys nor Ianto deserved that.

Torchwood turned her life up-side-down, and she had needed time to understand and adjust to that new reality. The unknown, exciting and fascinating world had been something she couldn't share with Rhys. She had needed someone to talk to about the fears and wonders; the weight of change had been too much to cope with alone. There had been times when she had been inclined to seek comfort in Jack, yet, she never did so. She couldn't have used Jack for consolation only. She couldn't have faced him the morning after and pretended that nothing had happened. She knew that once they had spent a night together, life would never have ever been the same. She couldn't risk that. She didn't want to hurt anyone, especially Rhys, her devoted husband.

Yet, she had to admit, she fancied him. She dreamed about him - more than once. Those nights she woke with slight remorse and snuggled closer to Rhys. She had dreams where Jack never came back to life after being killed, and she stayed beside him for days just as she had done after the fight against Abaddon. Sometimes these dreams ended with Jack staying dead forever, and then her cheeks were wet with tears when she woke. Other times he came back to life with her kiss, which led to more, and she found herself wrapped in his embrace in his bed. She also had dreams where their argument ended with passionate kisses, sometimes even more.

Now, she didn't have to feel guilty about her dreams. There was no one to cheat on anymore, she thought bitterly. As relieving as that fact was, the potential this new situation provided felt just as scary.

Taking a deep breath, Gwen pushed away from the door and set out toward her room. Once she was inside, she opened the window and inhaled the cold night air. The image of Jack naked flashed through her mind again, sending a tingle through her veins. Leaning on the window-frame, she closed her eyes, enjoying the cool wave caressing her hot body. Suddenly she found herself thinking of Jack again, imagining him standing behind her, his breath tickling her neck. Without being aware, her hands slid up to her breasts. She could feel her erect nipples through the delicate fabric of her blouse. The thought of Jack touching her elicited a moan from her, and she shivered at the sensation.

_No, it's just the cold_, she told herself convincingly, and closed the window.

Her heart was beating loud in the silence of the room.

_I shouldn't feel like this_, she sighed. The last man to touch her had been Rhys, and she felt guilty at the fantasy of Jack. It felt like betraying her late husband. Yet, since Rhys's death, she was lonely.

_Focus, Gwen, focus. Think of anything but Captain Jack Harkness._

Changing into her PJs, she went to bed. However, no matter how hard she tried, sleep didn't welcome her. After tossing and turning for about an hour, sighing, Gwen pulled the duvet back and got out of bed.

She couldn't get Jack out of her head. Something had changed these past few days, and it wasn't just him loosening up a bit. They had always had a special bond, yet Gwen felt him closer than ever now; and after all they had been through, it felt more than right. However, it also scared her. The way she was getting to see him made her wonder how she really felt about Captain Jack Harkness. Not the man that the acquaintances saw, but the one with fears, dreams, hopes, regrets and weaknesses - _the man she knew._

Her room felt suddenly too small, so Gwen put on her bathrobe and, silently, tiptoed down the stairs to the living room. The fire was still glowing in the fireplace, providing a pale, warm orange colour of twilight in the room. Gwen put some logs on the slumbering fire, and settling onto the soft rug in front of the fireplace, staring into the awakening flames.

She was thinking about her life – the years she had worked as a police constable with Andy, joining Torchwood, learning all the wonder it concealed, life in Torchwood, the tragedies that had demanded the lives of her friends and the man she married. All that seemed to be so far away now.

_Rhys_, she sighed.

It hadn't been easy to adjust to life without him. Days had been colder, gloomier without his presence. Gwen had realized then what his love and care really meant to her. Part of her had died with him. The dagger of grief had torn her heart apart. She remembered spending long days crying heavy tears until it physically hurt and lying in bed in her dark room, hugging their wedding-photos. It had taken a while before she was able to move on, yet part of her heart belonged to him forever.

That tragic day had shaken her world and a new chapter had begun in her life. She had to learn to live with the events of the past and move on. She still had purposes to live for, actually, that was all she had. Torchwood needed he, and, as a matter of fact, she needed it more than ever.

She remembered how Jack reacted after Rhys and Ianto's funeral.

- flashback -

"_Go home, Gwen. Go home, and never come back," that was all he said._

"_Jack..."_

"_Go before it's too late."_

"_I'm not leaving you," she countered firmly._

"_Damn you, Gwen! This bloody organization had demanded too many lives... Can't you see it will take you too?" He grabbed her arm vehemently. "I'm not giving you too," he looked deep into her eyes, his intense glare almost burning. She was sure his fingers would leave a mark on her arm by the next morning. "Hear that, Torchwood?" he yelled madly, knocking the nearest table over. He turned his head upwards as if he had waited for an answer from above. "I'm not giving her to you!" His roar echoed on the walls of the Hub. _

- end of flashback -

That was when Gwen had feared most that Jack was going insane.

No matter how much he had wanted to push her away, she hadn't obliged. She had nothing more to lose. She had to keep holding on. She wasn't someone to give up easily and she hadn't planned to do so back then, either. She was daring Torchwood every single day from then on; she didn't intend to give her life that easily.

She couldn't have left Jack alone either, not in that state of mind. Even though he had kept repeating that he didn't need her and she should leave, she couldn't have deserted him. She hadn't given up on him and never intended to do so. He just needed time to heal, and she was ready to wait until it happened.

The flames were cracking cheerfully, their light reflecting in her eyes.

Her musing was interrupted by the sound of heavy footsteps. Jerking her head, she saw the familiar figure standing in the shadows at the bottom of the stairs.

"Jack?"

"Hey." He shifted his weight. "What are you doing down here?"

"Can't sleep." She shrugged.

"That's my excuse, you know," Jack chuckled and walked down the couch.

She smiled.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked quietly.

"Of course not."

Jack crouched next to her, leaning on the couch. His still wet hair was glistening in the orange light of the fire. So close to him, Gwen could smell his aftershave, which she had never noticed he used. She wished she didn't now, either - it was excessively arousing.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"Everything and anything," she shrugged.

"In more details?" Jack prompted her with a curious smirk. "Were you thinking about me?"

His cheeky attitude, as always, evoked a smile on her face. "You're so smug, Jack Harkness!"

He grinned, his white teeth glinting in the glow of the fire.

"Why? Don't deny that I haven't often been on your mind during the years! You always wanted to figure me out, learn more about me and my past..."

She sighed in defeat. "Right, I used to wonder a lot about the enigma that you are - searching for answers to the mystery that surrounds you, but only stumbling onto more questions. Years have passed since I joined Torchwood, yet I still don't know who you really are." She faced him.

"Who do you want me to be?"He raised a brow with an amused smile.

"Jack, would you please stop joking for a minute?" she scolded him. She was, however, secretly pleased that his playful manner had returned.

He sighed, seeing that she was adamant about the topic.

"Gwen, believe me, the less you know about my past, the better." His tone turned serious. "It's not a fairy-tale. I've done things I'm not proud of and experienced things that are beyond your worst nightmares. I don't want you to take a trip to the dark side, not even in your imagination. Ignorance is bliss; you don't want to endanger yourself by knowing my past."

"I'm tough, Jack. We've been through a lot in Torchwood, seen horrors and taken actions that we don't like to even think about. You can't carry the weight of the past alone for eternity; it will eat you up." Her brown eyes searched his face pleadingly.

"You talk like a psychiatrist," he chuckled half-heartedly.

"Maybe because you could do with one," she suggested.

"Don't think so. However, now that you mention, I wonder if their bedside-manner is that thorough too-like their therapy sessions." The naughty glint appeared in his eyes.

"Uh, Jack!" She gave him a dirty look. "I meant-"

"I know what you meant," he cut her off softly. "And I really appreciate your care." He averted his look from her, a small smile lingering in the corner of his mouth. "You're stubborn as hell, PC Cooper, huh?" he stated rather than asked. _Something I like so much about you._

"I do my best." She grinned mischievously.

"I used to think about you too, you know," he said after a short pause, turning toward the flames reminiscently. "I used to watch you while you were doing paperwork and I wondered about you. You were always the extraordinary piece of Torchwood. By extraordinary I don't mean supernatural skills like this gift of immortality, but the fact that you are special by just being you. I thought a lot about what good could I have done that I stumbled upon such a treasure as you. I caused deaths, yet I received such an amazing gift from fate. I never understood the reason. I never understood what I could give you, why did you enter my life. Until now." He looked at her. "Now I know it was never me, but you. You were meant to find Torchwood and meet me. You were my chance at redemption. Gwen, you made me a better man. I've changed in so many ways since I've known you. That's what matters; the man I AM."

She couldn't tear her look away from his gorgeous blue eyes.

"I wouldn't change a thing. I'd join Torchwood again, if I could start over."

"I'm not sure I'd ask you again if we could turn back time," Jack confessed in a bare whisper.

"What?" she gave him a puzzled look, confusion flashing across her face.

"I might have been wrong to have recruited you. You had had a normal life, a chance of starting a family – I had had no right to take that away from you. I didn't have the right to turn your life into a battlefield, with death watching you at every corner."

"Jack, you -"Gwen started to protest, but he cut her off.

"That's the truth. I had been selfish," he sighed. "Getting you on the team was too tempting to miss the opportunity. The first time I spotted you, I knew that you were the one Torchwood needed. You were what I needed," he added almost inaudibly. "Nevertheless, I shouldn't have recruited you, but someone living on their own, no family-strings attached. I wouldn't have destroyed your life and your loved ones' lives then."

"As you said, Jack, it must have been meant to be. Fate guided us into each other's way. And despite everything that has happened, I don't regret anything. I couldn't imagine my days not knowing you anymore. You expanded the horizon of the sky of my life."

He took her hand in his with a sigh.

"But the price of the new experiences was too high," he muttered bitterly. "The pain you and the others felt broke my heart every single time. Every time my team suffers, I die a little inside. And now that..." he trailed off, fighting the painful memories coming to the surface again.

Gwen bit her lip in compassion. She knew what Jack meant – the death of their beloved team-members was too hard to bear. Placing a comforting hand on his, she said, "I know. Nevertheless, we have to carry on. For them, for us."

He shook his head. "Gwen, I'm burnt out. I'm not sure I can go on. This pain is more than I can take. I can't go through this again."

She squeezed his hand. "You were always the one who didn't give up. You taught me not to lose faith. Remember what you told us after Owen and Tosh died? The end is where we start from. That's what we have to do now as well."

"How is that you have so much strength now?" He gave her a fascinated, heartfelt smile.

"Because I believe in you. You are the fixed point in my life. I know you're always there for me, encouraging me. YOU are my strength."

His heart fluttered. She had so much faith in him, more than he had ever thought. No one yet had held on to him so much. No one had needed him this much before.

"Thank you," he whispered. Suddenly he realized that he couldn't bury himself in his sorrows, couldn't be that selfish when she was relying on him so much. "You are wonderful."

She smiled shyly. "We will get through the hard times. Together."

Jack pulled her into an embrace. They stared into the fire in silence until Gwen drifted to sleep.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Shorter than the prev ep, but I guess you'll like it ;-)

Thank you for the nice reviews again! love u!

* * *

"Jack, do you feel like joining us for some shopping?" Mrs. Cooper asked after breakfast next morning.

He answered yes and the four of them were soon driving towards the shopping mall. Geraint was at the wheel, Mary beside him in the passenger's seat, while Gwen and Jack were sitting in the backseat of the Coopers' 4x4. Once again, Jack was dressed in his period clothing, seemingly pleased to wear it again.

They parked the car in the underground parking lot of the mall and headed to the ground floor. Once they got into the heart of the shopping centre, they decided to split up, so Mary and Gwen, and Geraint and Jack set out in separate ways.

Last minute shopping wasn't unusual around the holidays, and now that the Coopers had an extra guest at their home, it was more than useful.

On the ground floor in the middle of the mall, in front of the little Bethlehem set up for the holidays, children dressed in crispy white shirt and red velvet dress/pants were singing Christmas carols. Their cheerful voices filled the air and the happy, shiny faces warmed one's heart.

Sitting on a bench opposite the choir, Gwen was watching them with a warm smile in the corner of her lips. She was more carefree and relaxed that he had seen for a long time, Jack noted as approaching her. She was an angel from above, sharing her unearthly light with the human race.

"We're done." Letting out a tired sigh, Geraint put the bags down, and dropped onto the bench beside Gwen. She turned toward him, and patted his arm lovingly. "You should bring Jack along more," he said. "Shopping wouldn't be that boring then."

Gwen's eyes widened in amusement. _Her father suggesting bringing Jack home with her more often?_

"Where's your mother?" Geraint added.

"Just popped into one more shop. She will be right back."

"We all know what that means," he moaned. "Half hour at least."

"What about a cup of coffee while waiting?" Gwen suggested.

"Good idea," the elder man's eyes lit up.

Smiling, she grabbed the bags out of Jack's hands, and put them on the floor. "Come on."She linked her arm into his, dragging him with her. "We will be right back," she told Geraint.

"Oh yeah, we know what that means," he muttered, watching the two leave.

As they got further from the carollers, the children's voices faded and the music of the mall's radio filled the hall.

They walked past another section of holiday decor – Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer in the woods with fake snow around -, when Jack suddenly broke into a wide grin, and grabbing Gwen's hand, dragged her in a certain direction.

"What?" she followed him clueless.

"Just having some fun," he winked at her mischievously.

That was when she noticed the photo-booth in the corner.

"Come," Jack grinned, pulling aside the booth's curtain.

"Oh my," she giggled like a schoolgirl as they climbed in.

"Don't tell me you have never done this," he looked at her in surprise when they settled.

Gwen shook her head with a shy smile.

"What a shame." A naughty light lit up in Jack's eyes. "So, Gwen Cooper, are you ready to lose your virginity with me?" he muttered into her ear huskily, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

Gwen's breath almost stopped at his words, and she felt her heart beating faster. _Master of innuendos and teasing, that's what he was._

He was aware of the effect of the words he used. _What a wonderful language English is,_ he mused. _It's richer in synonyms and meanings than most alien languages._

"I guess so," she managed to utter, deliberately not looking at him, but at the display in front of them.

Enjoying her embarrassment, his smirk broadened.

"Okay then, here we go."He put a coin into the slot. "Smile." He leaned back, tightening his hold around her.

The camera flashed, and the countdown for the next exposure began.

"Second," Jack said, slightly changing position by turning to the side and pulling Gwen into him, embracing her.

Jack directing her moves, introducing her into something new, brought back the memory of her first gun training session at Torchwood. She could recall those moments clearly any time; those moments had etched into her memory forever. His enticing proximity, sensuous voice, tender touch – the mere thought accelerated her heartbeat.

The camera snapped again.

By the third picture, Gwen was bolder in posing. Jack embracing her, she intertwined her fingers with his, and her lips curved into a soft smile.

"One more," he noted, when the photo was done. "Let's make it funny," he said and pulled a silly grimace.

Gwen couldn't keep a straight face at the sight, and burst out laughing.

"It wasn't that terrible, was it?" he asked after the last picture had been taken.

"It's fun," she smiled broadly.

Jack collected the photo-slip, and showed it to Gwen. "Looking good, huh?"

A happy couple was looking back at her from the photos. Gwen was glad to see that the Jack in the photos wore the smile she had missed so much. She also noticed the playful spark in his eyes, which just made him look even more handsome.

"What about another round?" she suggested enthusiastically.

"That's my girl." He gave her a hundred megawatt smile, and dropped another coin into the slot.

For the next batch, they did some serious Torchwood poses, which – in Gwen's opinion - ended up looking like promo pictures for an action movie. Jack insisted on having a funny set as well, so for the third go, they pulled silly faces, and gave strange looks to the camera. Gwen was laughing hard seeing the result, which affected Jack too. After what seemed like eternity, he laughed heartily again. With Gwen, it felt so natural. Without telling her, he sneaked another coin into the slot.

"God, Jack, you're so crazy," she wiped the tears of laughter, studying the latest slip of pictures.

"But you like that, don't you?" he grinned smugly, just before the camera flashed.

"You did it again?" She froze in surprise for a moment, her eyes widening in disbelief. The amused smile was still playing in the corner of her mouth.

"You have time to make up for," he smirked. "And I'm not here to spoil your fun."

She was gazing his sparkling eyes, the happy smile never leaving her face.

_She is beautiful_, he noted. Being so close to her felt so right. He could feel her heart beating against his chest and her warm breath caressing his face. His look wandered to her lips, the forbidden fruit. How many times had he been longing to claim those inviting, rosy lips? He was surprised to realize what huge self-control he had needed to resist the urge. However, now he couldn't deny the desire anymore. Both of them were single, they wouldn't hurt anyone. Slowly, he was leaning closer to her, his breath becoming heavier as the distance between their faces decreased. His move was ever so tentative and cautious, as if he feared burning himself with the mere thought of touching her. He didn't pay attention to the camera snapping another picture.

Gwen couldn't believe this was finally happening. She wasn't sure she wasn't dreaming. However, when his warm breath touched her skin, she knew it wasn't just a sweet dream. The tension building up between them, Gwen swore that if Jack didn't close the gap soon, she'd grab him and continue what he started.

Sensing no refusal on her behalf, Jack leaned in with newly strengthened confidence and breathed a feathery kiss on her lips. He still expected her to pull away and say that she wasn't ready for this, but she didn't show intention of breaking the contact. Savouring the incredible, so long awaited sensation of her lips on his, Jack placed a soft kiss on her mouth, never rushing the moment.

Contrary to her expectations, Jack's moves weren't rough and demanding, but tender and attentive. Gwen hadn't imagined his kiss being like this. He was always impulsive, passionate, authoritative, in control, and she never thought he could be so gentle and caring. This was a brand new side of Jack Harkness, and she liked it.

The two were too occupied to notice the camera snapping the last picture.

After some moments, Jack pulled back tentatively. His eyes were searching Gwen's - he needed to know how she felt about what had just happened. He was relieved to realize that her gorgeous eyes didn't show any regret.

Staring at each other, they both were wondering what to say. This kiss was different from the few intimate moment they had previously shared. In fact, they had never been so close - neither physically, nor emotionally.

At last, Jack broke the silence, his voice being still a bit hoarse.

"We'd better go." He glanced at the ready photo-slip. "Your dad must be wondering where we are."

Gwen nodded and climbed out of the booth after him.

"I really liked this," she noted with a playful glint in her brown pools, adjusting her clothes.

Jack smiled mischievously, being aware of the double meaning of her words.

On the way back Gwen bought the coffees they had originally set out for.

When they got back to the bench, Gwen's mother was there, sitting beside her husband.

"What took so long?" she inquired with a small smile as Gwen handed them the coffees.

"Sorry, it was my fault," Jack spoke before Gwen could come up with some explanation. "I haven't been to a mall during the holidays for a long while, and with the atmosphere, I got distracted."

_Distracted, huh?_ Mary thought. _With Gwen, I bet you were._ She could see the change in her daughter's mood and she could add two and two.

"Always said that with women, 'being right back' means at least half an hour," Geraint muttered.


	8. Chapter 8

The ride home, apart from some formal chat between Mr. and Mrs. Cooper, was quiet; everyone was absorbed in their thoughts. Gwen so hoped that her parents didn't notice the awkward, little glances between her and Jack. She didn't want them to start conspiring and matchmaking. Even she herself didn't know what was going on – was their lip locking the beginning of something, or just the heat of the moment? With Jack, one should not jump to sudden conclusions; being an intergalactic Casanova, he couldn't be taken seriously in that department. In spite of that, the kiss they had shared in the mall was on her mind all the way home, wondering if it meant anything.

She took a glimpse at Jack once or twice, just to see him staring out the window, seemingly deep in thought. _Was he thinking about their kiss too_, she wondered. Yes or no, both answers scared her. She didn't know which one would please her at the same time.

Once home, while Geraint hid the presents in a cupboard, Mary made some sandwiches for lunch-just to grab something before the festive dinner in a couple of hours. Gwen switched on the colourful, twinkling lights in the house, lighting the perfumed Christmas candles and turning on the radio.

After eating, Geraint and Jack found a common topic again, so the two immersed in a conversation lounging in the living room. The domestic, relaxed scene made Gwen smile. It was good to see this side of Jack. Whether he was able to die or not, Jack was still human.

Taking the chance to spend a little time alone, she grabbed her phone out of her coat and walked up the stairs to disappear in her room. What she didn't notice was the photo slip falling out of the pocket when she retrieved the mobile.

Mary was about to call after her daughter, picking up the runaway paper, but bit her lip when she realized what she was holding in her hand. Jack and Gwen were smiling back at her in the pictures, except for two, where they were otherwise occupied. Her lips curled into a broad, knowing smile, staring at the picture of her daughter locking lips with this handsome man. _So Geraint was right_, she noted, the smirk not fading from her face. Quickly, she put the slip back into Gwen's coat. For a moment, she considered talking to Gwen, but eventually she decided to leave it to her to share the secret whenever she's ready for it.

* * *

Gwen had just finished wrapping the presents when someone knocked on the door.

"Who's that?" she jumped, almost dropping the box in her hand.

"It's me," Jack's voice replied. "May I come in?"

"Err.. Just a moment," she shouted, shoving the packages under the bed quickly. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door. "Hi." She pulled a puzzled smile.

Jack raised a brow, a naughty smirk playing in the corner of his mouth. "Have I interrupted something?"

Smacking his chest, she retorted, "Nothing like that."

He pouted. "Too bad."

"I should get changed for the evening. So, would you stop joking and tell me what you want?"

"Gwen, Gwen, you're so impatient," he sighed theatrically, stepping into the room.

Shutting the door, she waited for him to talk, watching his every move.

"I need to talk to you," Jack began in an unusually shy manner. Turning to her, he bit his lip before taking a deep breath. "About what happened in the mall... When you said you liked it, did you mean the photos or...?"

She looked into his shimmering eyes, a small smile playing in the corner of her mouth. She liked the fact that the always-confident Captain Jack Harkness was suddenly puzzled.

"What's the correct answer?" she teased.

"What do you want it to be?" He searched her eyes seriously.

"Honestly, I don't know," she replied with a small sigh. "Both?"

Relief flashed across his face, and his lips curled into a hundred megawatt smile.

Seeing his reaction, Gwen returned a shy smile.

"Well, do you mind repeating the latter then?" he smirked, leaning closer so that their faces were only inches apart.

"I guess not," she muttered, transfixed by the exciting closeness of the man whom she had dreamt about so much lately.

His warm breath on her face was intoxicating, sending shivers down her spine. His finger traced along her jaw line in slow motion until it reached her chin.

Gwen's heart was beating faster with each touch. When Jack's fingertip touched her bottom lip, a tremble of pleasure ran through her body.

Her lips were so warm and soft under his touch. Jack couldn't resist anymore, but closed the gap between them.

The mere, feathery touch of his soft lips sent a jolt through her body. His arms draping around her, he pulled her into a tighter embrace. His gentle, exploring kisses turned more passionate as their tongues started a frantic dance.

After some heated moments, Gwen pulled back, gasping for air, face flushed. Jack, being a highly skilled master-level kisser, could have kept up with the pace, but Gwen, yet unfamiliar with his kissing style, was short of breath.

Her face flushed, lips swollen and breath ragged, she was an incredibly gorgeous sight, Jack noted.

"I like kissing you," he muttered, resting his forehead against hers.

Her hot breath caressing his mouth, she smiled. "I think I like you kissing me."

Looking into her eyes, Jack returned the smile, and placed another little kiss on her rosy lips.

"I hate to say this," Gwen broke away, "but I really have to get changed..."

"I'd offer my help," he grinned,"but being a gentleman, I'll pass on the opportunity for now. However, if you happen to need my ministrations, just call." He winked.

She laughed.

"See you later." He smiled and left the room.

Gwen leaned on the door, trying to calm her breath. _One thing was sure; Jack Harkness was a master of kissing._

* * *

Jack was staring out of the window of the guest-room. Recalling the feeling of kissing Gwen, warmth filled his heart. He had never thought that kissing her would be such an intense experience. During his hundred-something years he had snogged lots of men and women of whatever species he hooked up with, but none of them had been so precious. With Gwen, it was not only passion and lust, but also something peculiar, something he couldn't really define. It felt more than right; it was like finding the stream he had been thirsting for, coming home after the endless wandering. When her lips were caressing his, he felt his soul filling with unearthly light and strength. After God knows how long, finally he truly felt alive. Something he never felt since acquiring the "gift" of immortality.

However much, he hadn't wanted to live and carry on after Ianto and Rhys's deaths, now he felt like he had a new purpose that was worth playing the cruel game of life – protecting Gwen. He always knew he had special, strong feelings toward her, but now it was clearer than ever. The realization hit him so clear and honest that he was shocked that he hadn't seen it before. The intensity of his emotions was both new and familiar. He hadn't felt like this since Estelle. Not even toward Ianto, he had to face the truth. With him, it was something between love and lust. He loved him, but that love wasn't that Earth-rocking, unconditional, soul warming and even reckless love he felt for Gwen. He had thought he would never be capable of loving with that strength anymore. Until now. _Yes, he was in love with Gwen Cooper. Truly, madly, deeply._

Thinking back, he never dared to imagine that she would take a chance on him. Not with Rhys in the picture. Though he was sure she hadn't been unaffected by his charm, he was bitter to acknowledge that despite his good looks and the spark between them, Rhys, the average guy, won over him. When he realized that Gwen was going to marry him, Jack had had to accept the fact that he had lost her for good. He had to convince himself to stop hoping and cherish her friendship. However, he couldn't shut her out of his life completely. Part of him was still dreaming about her and longing for her. There were nights when, while Ianto was sleeping beside him, he was thinking of her, wishing she were there with him. Other nights when no one was around, he often fantasized about her until he came with heavy gasps. These were secrets only he knew. That was all he had.

Gazing the snow-covered trees, he wondered why life suddenly favoured him by offering a chance with her. _Did it compensate the losses and pain? Was it just a foul play of the universe?_

She was his saviour. He had lost his faith in love, but she gave him hope again. After all the failures, mistakes, she helped him on his feet. Her care, faith in him, and support were what had kept him going that far.

_What would I do without this amazing woman?_

Their relationship wasn't built on pure lust and attraction, but deep trust and respect, which Jack had rarely established with many people in his long life. Gwen was just a simple human being, not a time lord or alien; she didn't have special skills, but she had a heart full of love and care, and it was worth more than any supernatural power. She was only human, but her unique humanity made her an extraordinary person. Jack had known from the very first time that she was the one he could trust with all his heart and mind. He knew that his secrets were always safe with her, and he could entrust his life to her anytime.

One thing he absolutely was sure about now was that _he wanted her in his life._


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you everyone for the reviews, you are awesome! xxx

Well, this chapter is not worksafe, contains M / NC17 stuff, so be warned!:)

Enjoy :)

And as always, lots of thanks to my beta, Alice! xxx

* * *

After Christmas Eve dinner, Gwen suggested a walk with Delilah.

It was another cold winter eve. The stars were sparkling in the dark blue sky, and the crystals of snow glittered in their silver light on the ground.

Silence enveloped them; they could hear the noise of their steps in the snow.

Stopping on the hillside, a perfect view of the town welcomed them; the streetlamps and lights in the houses were sparkling in the dark like diamonds on the blue velvet of a treasure box.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Gwen uttered in awe, drinking in the sight.

"It is," Jack agreed. His thoughts, however, were elsewhere.

"Gwen, I need to ask something." He faced her. "These days I've been thinking a lot, and I've realized things I didn't dare to admit before. But there's something I need to know." His ice-blue eyes were staring into hers. "When you told me you were going to marry Rhys because no one else would have you, were you expecting me to contradict you? Did you want me to say that I would have? Would that have changed anything?"

The question surprised her. "Part of me wanted you to disagree," she said quietly after a short pause. "I would have liked to hear that. Yet, I don't know what I would have done, if you had said so."

"Believe me, if I hadn't wanted you to have a normal life outside of Torchwood so terribly, I would have said 'I would have' in a heartbeat."

"And what now?" Her eyes were searching his. "Do you still want me to have a normal life outside Torchwood? After all that we've been through?"

"Honestly, I don't know," he sighed. "You saw what Torchwood does – it ruins your life. I don't want that for you. But, call me a selfish bastard, I don't know if I could manage it without you anymore."

"You don't have to make it alone. I'm here, and I won't leave. We carry on with Torchwood."

He shook his head. "No, I'm not talking about Torchwood. I want you in my life, Gwen," he stated, gazing her wonderful eyes. "You make me whole. You make my days worth living." He touched her lips with his thumb. Gwen flinched under the cold touch, but didn't move away. Moving his hand to her silky hair, he leaned closer, whispering, "I'm in love with you, Gwen Cooper."

Her breath stopped for a moment; hearing him saying those words was like a dream. Her heart was beating faster at his revelation. "Jack...," she moaned as he was breathing small kisses along her jaw line.

Facing her, his breath tickling her mouth, he looked deep into her eyes. "Gwen, do you think you could love me a little too?"

She froze for a moment, completely taken aback by the fact that he didn't have a clue about her feelings.

"You really don't see it? You have the experience of hundred years of life, but you can't see how I feel about you?"

Confusion flashed through Jack's face.

Caressing his cheek, she said with a twinkle in her eyes. "I couldn't stop loving you no matter how hard I tried. God knows, I wanted to get rid of these feelings so many times, but..."

Before she could continue, his lips brushed hers, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"Good-night, gorgeous," Jack breathed a kiss on her lips once they got to Gwen's bedroom.

Grabbing the collar of his shirt, Gwen pulled him closer, and deepened the kiss.

"Stay with me tonight," she whispered against his lips.

His eyes were searching hers; he needed to know what was really on her mind.

"You've been so distant lately, I need to feel you close." Her warm breath was caressing his cheek.

_How close?_, he wondered. He got the answer when she started fumbling with the buttons of his shirt.

"Let's go to your room," she grabbed his hand. She didn't want him to feel awkward in her room with the memories and photos of Rhys around.

She mesmerized him, as did the prospect of what could follow, but he didn't want to take advantage of the situation.

"Are you sure about this?" Jack muttered once they were in the doorway of the guest room that he occupied.

"I am." She looked into his eyes, fire burning in her brown pools. "We've waited long enough," Gwen muttered hoarsely and closed the mahogany door behind them. Stumbling deeper into the dark room, she slid his braces off his shoulders and discarded his blue shirt.

"Way too long." His breath became heavier as she unbuckled his belt and slid her hand into his pants. Jack let out a moan as Gwen's delicate fingers touched his hardening cock.

She inhaled deeply at the never before known feeling of touching him. One hand enveloping him, the other pushed his pants down his arse.

He let out an inaudible hiss as the cool temperature of the room touched his heated skin. Doubling the sweet torture, Gwen squeezed his thigh tenderly, making his leg quiver. With a light of mischief in her eyes, next moment she was on her knees, stroking him. Gasping at the feel of her tongue tracing along his erect member, Jack's eyes rolled back in pleasure. She smiled against him, sensing the fine tremble hitting his body at the intimate contact. Feeling bolder from the reaction, she took him in slowly and sensually, her tongue caressing his flesh.

Jack growled at the sensation, sliding a hand into Gwen's hair. "No...," he managed to gasp the word, looking down at her. "We're not going this way...," he said with ragged breath.

She released his rock hard shaft in disappointment. _What did I do wrong?_, she asked herself anxiously.

He pulled her up to him with a gentle smile, his eyes shimmering in the silver moonlight. Caressing her cheek, he gave her a reassuring look. "You're amazing, you know that? You deserve something special, not just a quick ride of passion. And I intend to give you everything and more tonight. I want you to remember tonight as one of those times you cherish forever."

His words touching her heart, she smiled at him lovingly. "I love you, Jack. Always have, always will."

The warmth of being truly loved spread through his body at her proclamation. His soul filled with light again, and he felt happiness that he hadn't felt for long time.

He kissed her softly, savouring the feeling of her velvet lips on his. His tongue traced along her lower lip before seeking entrance into her mouth. Her tongue welcomed his, before initiating a slow, sensual dance. Her fingers slid into his hair, pulling him closer.

The heat getting unbearable, Jack freed his arms out of his white T-shirt, rolling it up to his neck, and started to work on the buttons of Gwen's silky blouse.

Breaking apart for air, faces flushed, both of them were gasping heavily.

Hungry for skin-to-skin contact, Gwen pulled his shirt over his head, while he undid the buttons on her blouse and pushed the clothing down her shoulders revealing the black lacy bra underneath.

Leaning in, he placed tender kisses on the curve of her neck and shoulder before sliding off the strap of her bra with his teeth. He repeated the same motions on the other side, while Gwen unzipped her jeans and pushed them down her legs. Tracing the line of her spine with his thumb exploring, he unclasped her lacy bra. A moment later, the piece of lingerie landed on top of the heap of their discarded clothing.

He couldn't take his eyes off her beautiful curves. "You are gorgeous," he whispered hoarsely, touching her breasts in awe. They fitted his hands perfectly, not too big, not too small. Her creamy white skin was so soft under his touch; it felt like the finest velvet. Her erect nipples were like two ripe raspberries dropped into whipped cream. Leaning down, he brushed his tongue against one nipple, twirling around the perky bud and licking the soft skin. Gwen moaned at the sensation, running her fingers through his hair.

Jack's fingers slid under the thin layer of her lacy panties, drawing small circles on her ass. His touch on her skin was electrifying, and she enjoyed every jolt it sent through her body.

When he broke away from her breast, Gwen pulled him into a fierce kiss. Pushing her torso against his, she could feel his heartbeat against her chest. Skin to skin, heat to heat, her body was on fire, every cell aching for his attention. His masculine smell filled her nose, wanting him more and more.

Their hot tongues doing sweet battle, they stumbled to the double bed. Not breaking away, Gwen sat down, and pulled Jack above her. The cool bedcover against her hot body jolted her senses. Reaching aside, she managed to switch the bedside lamp on, and the soft orange light illuminated their flushed faces. Her hand was exploring his chest sensually, caressing and rubbing his skin in slow motion.

He moaned into the kiss as her fingers brushed his erect nipples, his hand massaging her arse. Hooking his fingers into the lacy fabric of her panties, he pulled them off in a skilled move. Both of them were lying completely naked on the guestroom bed. His hand was roaming along her body, eager to discover every tiny curve, while whispering sweet nothings into her ear.

He was ever so attentive and gentle, she noted, not the way she had imagined Captain Jack Harkness would have sex with someone. Maybe because it was not only sex, but also lovemaking, she thought.

The exotic smell of the mixture of her fruity shampoo and perfume was lingering in his lungs, making him want to take a bite of the so long forbidden fruit of her body. Squeezing her shoulder lightly, it felt like a soft peach. Breaking away from her sweet lips, his mouth travelled to her shoulder, placing feathery kisses on the delicate curves.

Gwen's hand moved into his hair, massaging his scalp at the roots tenderly. His face enveloping into her shoulder, she buried her nose in his hair, inhaling the unique smell she loved so much. His hair always turned her on; it was one of his sexiest features.

Long minutes of indulging caresses and touches passed, and Gwen had never felt the level of attention that Jack was giving to her.

"I want you so much," she whispered eagerly into his ear, her groin throbbing in anticipation.

"Not more than I want you," he muttered against her skin hoarsely. His hand moved between her legs, parting her tights for better access. His fingers brushed against her clitoris, sending a pleasant buzz through her body. "Do you like this?" he whispered into her neck.

She moaned in approval, closing her eyes.

The smug glint was still there in Jack's eyes as his hand continued its play on her sensitive spot, making her wetter by the moment. Her juices enveloping his fingers, he could feel himself hardening more. His thumb sliding into her, she lifted her hip against him. A groan left her lips as another finger joined his thumb, massaging her hot walls.

Licking his way down her stomach to her centre, he placed small kisses on her skin, before his mouth brushed against her wet folds. Jack sucked and licked her hungrily, relishing the so long forbidden taste. His tongue worked magic on her, and soon he felt her throbbing heavily against his lips and exploding in a rocking orgasm. She cried out his name in ecstasy as she came, her body trembling in the sweet sensation.

As her quivering was about to subside, hovering above her, Jack faced her again, drinking in her flushed expression. Her eyes flickered open to stare into his, fire burning in her brown pools. He could feel her hot gasp on his face.

He kissed her hard, demandingly. Gwen could taste her own flavour on his lips. Her hand sneaking down to his crotch, her fingers enveloped his erection. He almost bit her tongue at the sudden, arousing touch. Stroking him in a quickening rhythm, she squeezed him rock hard in a short time. He had to break away from her mouth, gasping for air in the sweet torture.

"Make me yours, Jack," she whispered longingly into his ear.

Her delicately picked words made him acknowledge the depth of her emotions and the fact that what they were doing was more than mere sex.

Positioning himself against her centre, he slid into her carefully and slowly, enabling her to accommodate his size. They were both breathing heavily at feeling each other for the very first time. It was intoxicating. Jack thrust into her carefully, rocking her gently. With time, his thrusts became faster and harder, yearning for more of the incredible pleasure. Gwen reached the point of climax soon, and, clenching around him, came with a muffled scream. Her cry and the sensation of her tightening around his cock sent him over the edge too. Spilling into her with heavy gasps, he collapsed against her.

A couple of minutes passed before their breathing calmed. Snuggling closer to Jack, Gwen pulled the bedcovers over them. They were lying in each other's arms, feeling the purest contentment ever. The happy smile plastered on his face, Jack watched Gwen drifting to sleep, caressing her hair lovingly. She was the most gorgeous sight he had seen in a long time. An angel on Earth.

It was a rare moment of happiness, something Jack Harkness's life usually lacked. His days weren't about happy times, but death, fighting, and sorrow. He was Danger itself. Watching Gwen's peaceful features, his heart wrenched. No matter how much he loved her, they couldn't be together. He couldn't bear the thought of risking her life every day. He had seen what happened to those he loved.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Thank you so much for the lovely reviews, and welcome the new readers! :) Special hi to veritas6.5 for the kind words.

Glad you liked the prev chapter, hope you'lll like this one too.

One more thing: FFnet messes my story-format time after time, so chapters might miss the scene-divider stars or line, merging the different located/timed scenes into one. So if you feel that there's a lack of transition between two scenes, it's bloody ffnet's fault.

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When Gwen's eyelids opened next morning, the very first sight that welcomed her was Jack's soft smile.

"Morning, gorgeous," he whispered affectionately, not breaking his gaze from her face.

Her cheeks flushed at the early morning compliment, and her mouth curled into a shy smile. "How long have you been watching me?"

"Not long enough," he caressed her cheek admiringly. "You're particularly beautiful while sleeping."

Gwen blushed again. He had given her appreciative comments now and then, which always warmed her heart and made her proud, like a little schoolgirl praised for a good answer. She wasn't used to receive such flattering compliments from him, yet, and it felt good. The last man who had admired her like that had been Rhys. She missed him; he would always have a piece of her heart. But now – even if only for a week, a month, or more, that didn't matter - she had Jack, who needed her as much as she needed him. Jack Harkness, the man she couldn't get out of her mind since she saw him for the very first time.

"You're not that bad yourself," she said.

"You can't be sure about that," he grinned. "You don't spend the hours of the night wide awake."

"I might not have insomnia, but sometimes I wake up, too," she winked knowingly. Last night she spent some time awake, watching him and thinking about what was happening between the two of them.

"Oh, yeah? You should have woken me up." Giving her a naughty smirk, he pulled Gwen closer, their naked bodies touching under the duvet. The sweet contact sent a pleasant shiver through his body, every inch of his skin aching for more. "I would have had some ideas about how to spend that time," he murmured hoarsely. In the wake of his desire, his fingers trailed down her spine, following the delicate curve. His feathery caress elicited goose bumps on Gwen's skin, stirring the butterflies in the pit of her stomach.

"I bet you would," she giggled. Her lips touched his briefly, but she broke away before he captured her mouth.

"You little tease," Jack frowned and, cupping her face, kissed her hard.

"Should I feel bad about the fact that last night was the best I ever had?" Gwen mused aloud when they finally broke apart.

"No," he chuckled smugly, "not at all." Then he added with a wink, "It is in my top ten as well."

"Top ten?" she looked up at him quizzically.

"You don't want to know," a naughty smile crept into the corner of his mouth.

"Harkness!" Gwen gave him a threatening look.

"Fifty-first century encounters," he said with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"John Hart?" she asked tentatively.

"Among others, yeah," Jack replied quietly. The name also reminded him of memories he wanted to forget.

Noticing the sudden bitterness in his voice, Gwen breathed soft, teasing kisses along his jaw-line until finding his inviting mouth. "What about making another top-ten memory?" she smirked against his lips seductively.

A broad smile spread on Jack's face, his blue eyes shimmering in a playful light. His strong arms were around her in an instant, flipping her over, so his body pinned her to the mattress.

"I like your thinking." He gave her his irresistible, hundred megawatt smile, and his lips brushed hard against hers.

The kiss was hungry, demanding and full of never dying passion. Their bodies melting into each other, Gwen could tell he was turned on again, and it pleased her. Her delicate fingers traced his back, massaging his muscles, before giving the same treatment to his butt. Moaning at her arousing touch, Jack ground his erection against her thigh.

However, before they could get lost in each other one more time, a polite knock was heard on the door of the guestroom. "Jack?" Geraint's voice came from the hallway.

Reluctant to break away from him, Gwen growled into the kiss. "Dad?"

"Did you ask for a wake-up call?" Jack mocked her with narrow eyes, his hot breath still lingering on her face.

"What about pretending that you're still sleeping?" she suggested, her big brown eyes staring innocently at him.

"Good idea. But it's almost ten." He glanced at his watch on the bedside table.

"And? School's out," she wrinkled her nose sulkily as he slowly detangled himself from the embrace.

"I shouldn't give your parents the impression of a lazy guy, should I?" Jack raised a brow. "A moment!" he shouted to Mr. Cooper, while grabbing his pants from the carpet beside the bed.

"Right," murmuring, Gwen started to gather her clothing from the heaps of garments on the floor. She haphazardly slipped into her top and trousers, not bothering to put on her underwear.

Grabbing the remaining clothes from the ground, Jack threw them onto the armchair in the corner. His hand was already on the doorknob when he gave Gwen a questioning look.

"What?" She stared back at him.

"You really want to greet your Dad like this?" Jack furrowed his brow in amusement, taking a good look at her. It was obvious that she had hastily dressed, and her messy, dishevelled hair, flushed cheeks and swollen lips didn't leave much to one's imagination.

She took a glimpse at her reflection in the mirror nearby.

"Do you mean to insinuate that I should hide?"

"Unless you want your father to know that we spent the night together," he chuckled cheekily.

Having to agree with him, Gwen let out a conceding sigh. _She didn't want her parents to learn about her and Jack yet. She didn't know what was going on between them either, so what would she tell them?_

"Bloody Jack Harkness, making me hide in my own house..." she muttered, considering the opportunities the guestroom provided for becoming invisible. Finally, she decided on the bed, and quickly climbed in under the king sized piece of furniture.

Jack could hardly restrain himself from letting out a loud chuckle. Composing himself, intending to give a good impression, he opened the door.

Once Geraint saw the half-naked Captain, he immediately apologized.  
"Jack, excuse me for disturbing; I just wondered if you happen to know where Gwen is? She's not in her room, and I can't find her downstairs either."

"No," he lied with a casual look on his face. "I haven't seen her this morning yet. But when I do, I'll tell her you're looking for her."

"Thanks," Mr. Cooper replied, but didn't make a move to leave. "Uhm, being here though, could I talk to you for a minute, in private?"

_Private, huh?_, Jack suppressed a grin. _If you only knew..._

_What does Dad want to talk about with Jack?,_ Gwen wondered under the bed.

"Sure," Jack replied, inviting the elder man in. "If I did something wrong, I'm sorry -"

"No worries, son, it's nothing like that," Geraint cut in reassuringly.

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"I would offer you to sit down, but..." Jack excused, glancing at the chair occupied with clothes and unmade bed in explanation.

"That's okay," Mr Cooper smiled. "Jack you seem to be a nice fellow, I like you, but I need to know that my duckling is in safe hands. After all that has happened..."

"I do my best to take care of her. Not like she needed protection," he smiled, "she's tough."

"My Gwennie," Geraint said fondly. "She's always been a strong girl. But matters of the heart are not like the criminals she has to deal with every day."

Jack suddenly felt slight remorse for keeping the elder man in the dark about Gwen's occupation. Criminals? Well, the creatures they had met could be considered that.

"All I ask of you," Geraint continued, "is not to break her heart."

"But we're-" Jack looked at him in surprise.

Mr. Cooper laughed. "I'm not blind. Besides, my girl doesn't bring home every man she knows. Especially for the holidays."

Gwen's eyes widened. She shouldn't have underestimated her father. He had always been the smart one in the family. Her mother couldn't mislead him with innocent lies either. Surprising him was an almost impossible mission, he always figured out what was going on around him.

"I can see that she deeply cares for you," he stated,"and I don't want her to get hurt again."

"I care for your daughter. More than for anyone ever," Jack stated without hesitation. "She's all I have. And I'd rather die over and over again than cause her any pain." Knowing that Gwen also heard him made him choose his words carefully. Speaking to someone else, but being aware that the person involved was also present, was a great chance to declare the feelings he hadn't dared to say aloud face-to-face.

Gwen's heart skipped a beat at his words, and tears welled in her eyes._Was Jack confessing his feelings for her to her father? _She felt a blush creeping into her cheeks. The man who didn't talk about his feelings suddenly shared the most treasured emotion with the parent of the woman in question.

"Thank you, my son," Geraint gave him a soft smile. "I'd better let you get dressed; breakfast is almost ready." He took a quick glimpse at the heap of clothes in the armchair.

"By the way, I don't think lace would suit you," he noted with a smirk.

Jack looked at him in confusion.

Mr. Cooper laughed, and picked up the black lace bra from under Jack's shirt in the chair. "Leave it for Gwen, I bet it looks better on her."

Jack's breath stopped for a moment. He was completely taken aback by the observational skills of the elder man. He wanted to find some excuse, but couldn't come up with any. They were busted.

Gwen almost bit her tongue in sudden shock. _Damn. How did her father noticed that tiny detail? _Her face was deep red at her dad's revelation. She wished she could turn back time to grab the remaining pieces of her clothing from Jack's chair and prevent this awkward situation from evolving.

"No worries," Geraint said on his way to the door, "It's our secret. Oh, and Gwennie, my lovely, you can climb out from under the bed," he smirked knowingly. "You used to hide there when you were a little girl, too."

Both Jack and Gwen's breaths caught in their throats as the door closed behind the lord of the house.


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you very much for the lovely reviews to **Lutherian, SkulduggeryCain and PokerFaceJustDance**! This chapter is dedicated to you in return. :)

Also many thanks to my beta, Alice. You rock, girl!

AN: When watching the recent episode of Miracle Day (Ep 7, Immortal Sins) did I realize that both the show and I explored Jack's past now LOL So if you find similarities in this chapter, it's just coincidence! :D However, no spoilers in this fic, so you can read it even if you don't watch S4 or avoid spoilers.

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"I like your father," Jack chuckled in amusement and awe, while Gwen climbed out from under the bed. "Looks like a normal, nice old man, but there's so much more under the surface. Now I see where you got the smartness and stamina from."

"Oh, you don't know my mum yet. Believe me, she's so not the gracious lady all the time." Gwen walked to the armchair full of their clothes.

"I like fierce women," Jack grinned, winking at her. "Women in control are so sexy."

He always loved that one thing in Gwen. Her authoritative, confident attitude had struck him when coming back from the year that never was and found her leading the team.

"Hands off my mum, Jack Harkness!" she gave him a dirty look, a small playful smile hiding in the corner of her mouth, before starting to rummage through his clothes on the chair for her underwear.

"Come on, Gwen, don't be so spoil-sport," he teased. "Your mother is really pretty..."

"Harkness!" threatening him, she threw the chair's cushion at the grinning Captain.

Jack laughed flippantly, with a naughty glint in his eyes.

"You could have passed my shirt to me instead," he noted, dropping the cushion onto the bed.

Gwen shoved her bra and knickers into the pockets of her jeans, and stepped to Jack, flashing a sweet smile at him. "Sorry, the room doesn't include a butler's service."

"And what about a maid's one?" he raised his brow suggestively, sneaking an arm around her waist.

"She has a day-off," she retorted with a confident smile. Breaking away from his embrace, she walked to the door. "We'd better hurry; breakfast is waiting."

"So what? You're leaving me alone?" he feigned disappointment.

"I need to get changed. Wearing the same clothes as yesterday would be more than suspicious," she reasoned. "Jack Harkness, you're a big boy, I think you can get dressed on your own."

"But it's more fun with you," he drawled.

She laughed. "Oh, I bet it is. However, that would take forever, and we don't have that much time. So move your sexy arse and put some clothes on."

She had already turned the doorknob, when she heard his chuckle from behind her.

"I think you'll need these." Jack twirled her panties around his finger, his mouth curling up into a flippant smirk.

"What the...?" Gwen gaped at him, her hand sneaking into the pocket of her jeans. It was empty. "Jack..." She uttered his name ominously.

He shrugged, the smirk never fading from his face. _Once a con man, always a con man_.

She didn't know whether to laugh or be angry with him.

"You're such a cheeky bastard," she spat with an amused grin, and retrieved the garments from between his fingers.

"But you like me," Jack stated, the smug, confident smirk still on his face.

She shook her head resignedly, giving up on a comeback. "See you downstairs," she said instead and walked out of the room.

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"What?" Mary took a curious glance at her husband, setting the dining table for breakfast.

"What what?" he asked, a content smile lingering in the corner of his mouth.

"I know this smirk," she remarked knowingly. "You look like a cat that got the canary. So what's that about?"

"Nothing. I've just had a nice chat with Jack, that's all."

"I wonder what you could have talked about that made you so giddy."

He grinned, adjusting his waistcoat. "Just some male interest."

"Did he say something about Gwen and him?" Mary asked bluntly.

Now Geraint was trapped. How could he pass this question without revealing the truth? He couldn't break the secret he had learned not so long ago; he couldn't betray his daughter. On the other hand, he wasn't good at lying, more so if it was his wife.

"Not what you think," he managed to reply after a moment. "Have you talked to your sister? When is she expecting us?" He changed the topic to avoid more awkward questions.

Mary immediately knew what his game was. Smiling to herself, she decided to not to push him further. She surmised that he was keeping something back from her. She hadn't shared having stumbled across that photo-slip either, so they were even.

"I'll give her a call after breakfast. Probably tomorrow or the day after, as usual."

"Good morning," Jack's voice called from the doorway of the hall. He flashed a broad smile at Mary and nodded a greeting to Geraint.

"You look especially lovely today, Mrs. Cooper." Jack turned to Gwen's mother. She was wearing a white top embroidered with lace and a burgundy-red, knee-length skirt. "Like a real angel."

Unprepared for such a compliment, Mary almost spilled the mug of coffee. Seeing her having trouble with the kitchenware, he immediately was there for her. "May I help?" he offered a hand, the charming politeness never leaving his attitude.

"Uh, thank you." She gave him a puzzled smile. "Well, an angel wouldn't be messing with serving coffee." She let out an embarrassed chuckle.

Watching the scene, Geraint laughed to himself. "Angel? She's a real devil sometimes. The Welsh dragon in disguise."

She gave her husband a mocking glance. "Look who's talking!"

"A real woman is half of devil, half of angel," Jack noted. "That's how it should be. Having the angel side all the time would be boring."

"I'm still waiting for the day when you say such wise things, Geraint," Mary patted her spouse's shoulder playfully.

"Whatever, I love my little brimstone." He looked up at her, squeezing her arm lovingly.

"You silly old man," she smiled back warmly, giving a kiss on the top of his head.

Jack watched their display of affection with a small smile in the corner of his mouth. Gwen's parents were a lovely couple, seemingly deeply in love with each other. The sight warmed his heart.

He had always envied people in happy relationships, knowing he could never have that bond with anyone. Since acquiring immortality, he was destined to be alone in the long-term. Happiness wasn't a friend of his; it rarely paid him a visit. Therefore, he took what he could – flirts, one-night stands, short-term romances. Anything longer than those just ended in pain, grief and heartache. Having built up walls around his heart helped him to not become emotionally attached. His love life was about physical attraction, lust and sex, so that his heart could be safe. He had burnt himself a couple of times, thinking that a certain someone was an exception to his curse, but life, his never-ending life, had always proved the opposite. He wasn't allowed to love sincerely. That emotion always brought him pain and suffering, and he couldn't bear it.

That was why his relationship with Ianto had lacked of the displaying affection.

No one could ever understand what was going on in his heart - the inside battles, the hesitation, the anxiety and, on the top of all, the fear. No one knew how he felt when getting involved with someone. No one was aware of how he had to control his emotions and, no matter how much he wanted to do otherwise, suppress them, pretending he didn't care.

In the beginning, he had hated himself for not showing affection or saying the words of love, and focusing only on the physical side of the relationship. Yet the more time that passed, the more he was certain that it couldn't be otherwise. If he didn't want to end up as a shattered-hearted, emotionally tortured and drained but forever-young man, a shell of himself, he had to draw the lines for his own sake. He had crossed that line a few times and had always paid hard for being weak. He would be carrying the weight of some of those 'mistakes' all of his life.

He had to learn to love without emotion, but the struggle had always been there deep inside.

He had had his inside battles with Ianto as well. The Welshman couldn't understand why Jack had been so against using the term 'couple' and acting like one. Jack had never told him the reason. He realized that the coffee-boy had been too young to understand the true meaning of his resistance. Ianto had lived in that modern world where love was accompanied by strong public displays of affection. He naturally had yearned to show the world that he was in love and belonged to someone - kisses, caresses, naughty smiles, and embraces in public. Jack couldn't provide that, especially when Ianto had kept nagging him about all those couple-things. And if there was one thing that Jack disliked, it was being constantly harassed about something.

Now, he was there with Gwen. From the first moment, their relationship was different from any other he ever had. She had never asked for more than he could give, but always stood by him no matter what. He was amazed by her strength and stubborn nature from the very start. He always felt comfortable around her, was able to let his guard down – something he couldn't do in other people's company. He was astonished to find someone who rocked his world like no one else. She was one of those persons that could make him weak and make him cross the safety line he had drawn to separate physical fascination and heartfelt love. Had it depended solely on him, he would have taken a chance on her. But she had had her own life, with a boyfriend and normality, and Jack couldn't bring himself to destroy that life – the normal life that he had yearned for ever since he became immortal. He respected and cared about Gwen too much to take that tie to the normal world away from her for his own selfish reasons.

The train of his thought was interrupted by Gwen's voice. "Morning everyone!"

Turning his look at her, Jack almost choked on the coffee he was sipping. Gwen was wearing a dark-blue, above knee-length, sleeveless dress made of velvet, her hair bundled up, loose curls framing her face.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Mary smiled at her daughter. "Aw, you look fabulous. Don't you think so, Mr. Harkness?" She turned to the Captain provocatively.

"Absolutely," he stammered, his eyes drinking in the rare sight of Gwen Cooper.

Gwen blushed. She felt awfully embarrassed, being sure that her mother already knew about her not having spent last night in her own room by now. She deliberately avoided her father's look; she still couldn't get the thought of him finding her underwear among Jack's clothes out of her mind.

Geraint, however, smiled at her broadly. "Take it easy, duckling, I haven't told her," he whispered to his daughter from across the table with a wink as she sat down. Gwen let out a relieved sigh, the tension easing in her body. She cast a thankful glance at him. Her father always was her partner in crime, ever since she had been a little girl.

When she finally settled on her chair she cast a glance at Jack beside her. Damn, he looked so fine. Wearing a crisp white shirt under his dark-blue waistcoat, he was absolutely handsome. She could feel the fresh scent of the shirt mixed with his mint fragranced aftershave. She was sure that if she had nuzzled her nose into his hair, her lungs would have been infiltrated by the whiff of recently washed hair. Her heart skipped a beat at the effect he was having on her. She wished they could have been alone now; she desperately wanted to get a taste of his clean skin.

The butterflies were stirring in her stomach when Jack's sky-blue eyes met hers. His look gave away that he was having similar thoughts. She almost jumped when his hand touched her thigh.

"Coffee?" Mary asked around, pouring some of the freshly brewed, dark brown liquid into the white, porcelain cups.

"Yes, please," Jack replied with one of his dazzling smiles.

They chatted heartily while eating, telling stories and recalling old family memories. Again, Jack eagerly listened to the stories of the Coopers' household, especially where Gwen was concerned.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

I haven't updated this story for a couple of weeks, I'm sorry. My life has been busy at work, plus I was on holiday in the UK, attended the Torchwood convention, met John Barrowman again (Squeeee), so I didn't have much time to work on the fic.

Thanks for the lovely reviews for the latest chapter. I'm happy to see my faithful readers sticking around, and also new readers joining. Thank you all! x

And now, roll on with this new piece, hope you'll like it. :)

As always, thanks a lot to my beta, Alice. x

Disclaimer: TW and its characters are not mine. Ceri, Daniel, Vaughn and Aderyn are my creations though.

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After breakfast, with another cup of freshly brewed coffee, the Coopers lounged in the living room, chitchatting and watching Christmas programmes on TV.

When the doorbell rang, Mary rose to open the door, expecting some carollers or neighbour to wish happy holidays. "Gwen, darling," she yelled from the foyer a minute later. "Someone would like to see you."

Excusing herself, Gwen left Jack and Geraint alone in the living room and soon all Jack could hear was a loud squeal followed by another one.

"Gwennie!" The young, mahogany brown haired woman in the foyer cried, beaming.

"Oh my God... Ceri!" a broad, blinding smile appeared on Gwen's face as she realized who the unexpected visitor was. Ceri Adams, her best friend since 4th grade. They used to study and hang out together during the school years, and talk about heartbreaker movie stars, fashion, boys and other girls' topics later. They had been best friends for long years, sharing their sadness and happiness. Leaving high school, admitted to different colleges, being otherwise occupied, and their encounters became less frequent. When Ceri won a scholarship to Florida State University in the USA, they lost their connection and had not met ever since. They exchanged e-mails for a while, but it stopped when Gwen started working at the police force in Cardiff.

The visitor hugged Gwen tight. "I've missed you so much."

"I can't believe you're here," Gwen pulled back and took a good look at the girl. "It's been... uhm, 4 years?"

"Five, actually," Ceri corrected, drinking in the sight of her long-unseen-friend.

"Are you over for a visit or back for good?" Gwen inquired, still high with excitement.

"Just visiting. I have more than one reason to stay in Florida." Ceri winked meaningfully and reached out her hand for her friend to check out.

"God, you're getting married?" Gwen exclaimed, discovering the shiny engagement ring on her friend's finger. "Congrats!" She wrapped her arms around Ceri again, hugging her tight.

"Thank you!" the bride beamed. "I've never been this happy. And now, seeing you again makes me the happiest girl in the world."

"How long are you staying? We really should catch-up with everything."

"Just a couple of days. Dan has work to do in Florida. We're just visiting my parents"

Gwen's face saddened. "It would have been nice to chat a little."

"What about this evening? I want to show Dan the Waterfront Winterland, you could join us and we could have dinner in a pub. What do you think?"

"Good idea. Hope you don't mind if I bring someone along?"

Ceri's mouth curled into a knowing smirk. "Not at all. I'll pick you up around six, okay?"

"Great," Gwen smiled.

"Sorry, but I must hurry. See you later!" Ceri hugged her tight before leaving.

"Where's Ceri?" Mary inquired disappointedly when Gwen entered the living room alone.

"She couldn't stay, but she'll be back later," Gwen replied. "She's taking her fiancé to the Waterfront, and suggested that Jack and I should join them." She glanced at Jack with a slightly anxious look. She hoped that he wouldn't find the idea amiss and refuse it before thinking twice. They hadn't gone out together yet, and Gwen didn't want him think that she wanted rush things between them. Officially, it wasn't a date, just friends having a fun evening.

"That's a lovely idea," Mary cheered. "You are young; you really don't have to sit around with the elders the whole day. We don't want to bore Jack to death."

_No worries, he would come back to life in a couple of minutes_, Gwen smirked inside. _On the other hand, if you knew who's the old one here..._

"You are a lovely company," Jack smiled at her parents politely.

"You're very nice, Jack, but you can save the formal phrases," Geraint laughed. "We also were young once, and, believe me, I know what youths consider fun."

_The old man is such a cool guy_, Jack noted, totally impressed by Geraint's modern views. Gwen was a lucky girl to have such an easy-going father as Mr. Cooper.

Gwen gave a questioning look to Jack.

"Sounds good," the Captain returned a genuine smile, which earned a relieved look from Gwen.

Later, when her parents weren't paying attention to them, Gwen sat beside Jack and said, "You know, I wasn't sure if you'd like the idea of us going out with my friends. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or obliged to play nice just because it's about me."

"It's okay, Gwen," he hushed her with a small, soft smile. "Take it easy. Don't think I can't see what you're doing." He touched her hand, looking into her eyes. "You still want to keep my emotions safe from the world outside, and I appreciate it a lot. But I've gotten over those critical times by now, so I won't break from hanging out a little with your friends. I won't forget the past – I couldn't even if I wanted -, but you made me realize that I have to move on. And that's what I'm trying to do."

"You don't know how happy I am to hear that. It's good to have the old Jack back." She smiled back at him.

"You know you're incredibly sexy in this dress," Jack whispered, his fingers trailing down her bare arm, before resting on her thigh covered by the velvet of the dark-blue cocktail dress. "Ever since I saw you this morning, I've been counting the minutes to peel this velvet wonder off of you."

"Well, you have to wait for that," she smirked.

After the festive lunch, in the afternoon, the family settled in the living room to open the presents. Yet before anyone touched the boxes under the tree, Geraint rose to say a couple of words as he always did.

"Every year, we express our gratitude to the Lord for guarding our family," he started his solemn speech. "We had both good and hard times to deal with - but no matter what comes along the way, we always make it through." He cast a proud look at Mary and Gwen.

_That's the Cooper-attitude;_ Jack smiled to himself, sneaking a glance at his second-in-command. When Captain John Hart, his troublemaking rogue ex, paid him a visit in Torchwood about two years ago and attempted to kill Gwen with his infamous paralyzing lip-gloss, she told something similar to John. _You can beat, shoot, threaten, and even poison us, we keep coming back. Stronger every time._ That was Jack's girl – so confident and brave. Noting how lucky he was to know this amazing woman filled his heart with warmth and pride.

"I'm utterly happy to have our Gwennie home again," Geraint looked at his daughter lovingly. "And it's a special delight that she brought along such a nice guest to share the festive days with." He smiled at Jack. "Now it's time to unwrap the gifts. Merry Christmas, everyone! Jack, there's something under the tree for you as well," he winked at the Captain.

Jack hadn't expected any presents, so Geraint's words took him by surprise. This caring was nothing like he had ever imagined from Gwen's family. He was touched by the love the Coopers treated him with, which - in his opinion - he didn't deserve. This genuine care filled his lonely, sorrowful heart with warmth that he had missed during those long decades of his never-ending life. Apart from the Torchwood-team, he hadn't been part of a family for God knows how long. Thinking of his lost family and all the people he'd liked but had died around him evoked too much pain, so he did his best to not be too attached to anyone. He had forgotten the real meaning of a family and the feeling of belonging in one very long ago.

He glimpsed at Gwen for reassurance and got the loveliest smile in return. This was too nice to be true; he thought he was dreaming.

Mary inserted a Christmas disk in the CD player, and the beautiful melody of an old, forgotten song filled the air.

Unfolding a big royal blue ribbon, Gwen squealed to find a pair of shiny black leather boots in the box. She gave a thankful smile to her mother, mouthing 'thank you', which earned a warm one in return from Mary, who was happy to see her daughter's delight.

"These will be perfect to kick the asses of aliens, weevils or whatever," Gwen whispered to Jack with an eager glint in her eyes.

He laughed and murmured huskily into her ear. "I could think of something more enjoyable to use it for."

"Harkness, you're impossible!"She scolded him playfully.

His amused smirk turned into a gape of awe finding not one, but two boxes with his name under the Christmas tree.

"The smaller one is from me, so open the other first," Gwen whispered knowingly.

Still amazed, Jack did as she said, revealing a fine, dark green shirt with silver airplane cufflinks - like the ones he usually wore. "Thank you so much." He cast a grateful and touched look to Gwen's parents. He couldn't truly express how he felt about this lovely gesture of gifting him.

"I hope you like it," Mary smiled. "I picked the colour, and Geraint found the cufflinks."

"It's perfect," Jack beamed, still deeply moved by the unexpected care of the Coopers. He turned away to wipe a tear from the corner of his eyes.

"Okay, now you can open mine," Gwen suggested, trying to lighten the mood.

Again, he did as she said; finding a desktop toy called Balance Balls aka Newton's Cradle in the neatly wrapped box. Jack knew this toy; one of the team-members used to have one long decades ago in the old Torchwood. He remembered Vaughn, the computer expert, had always played with it when thinking about something. The swinging steel balls, their clicking sound and back and forth motion must have had an inspiring effect on his brain-cells, but got totally another result in Jack. He had lost his patience whenever seeing the Welsh guy staring at the swinging balls ever so calmly. Later, Jack wished he had acted differently. The perfect aim of a 40th century's laser-gun, and Vaughn's toy hadn't ever moved again. Jack hadn't seen the bouncy gadget anymore; he supposed that Aderyn, the administrative assistant and Vaughn's fiancé had taken it after the farewell ceremony in the vaults.

"In a perfect world, it never stops, but 'lives' forever. Just like you." Gwen uttered quietly, looking into his water-blue eyes. "And so does my belief in you."

Locking eyes, Jack was staring at her intently, drinking in her sight. "Gwen..." He was looking for the right words, but nothing seemed to express how he really felt. "Maybe one day, I can take you to that perfect place," he said enthusiastically, a sparkle lighting up in his eyes. "There are so many universes out there, waiting for you to explore."

His words were promises of a fairy tale; Gwen knew they could never make them come true. _He might find that place, but her time was limited. Even if they left Earth right now, time wouldn't be enough to find the perfect world._

"Let's focus on the here and now," she smiled softly, hiding the bitter thoughts. "I have another gift for you upstairs. But you have to wait for that a little."

Squeezing her hand, he gave her a radiating smile. "Actually, my presents with your name are waiting for you in my room too."

Gwen couldn't stop gazing at him – the happiness on his face was such a rare sight. After the depressed state he had been in ever since their teammates' deaths, the contrast between his moods was excessively striking. _Martha was right – some change of air did him good._ He was shining now, the thousand-megawatt smile plastered on his handsome face. _Gosh, he was gorgeous._

Gwen could tell she fell more in love with him with every day. _However, was she ready to face her feelings and what they meant?_

Her father discovering the more-than-friends-bond didn't help in figuring out what was happening between Jack and her, and how they should act under these new circumstances. Jack had made clear his feelings about her the day and night before, and his confession about her to Geraint rocked her world, settling everything into another light. Yet, instead of clearly showing the path she should have followed, its brightness blinded her, unable to move into any direction. Jack and she wouldn't be able to have a normal relationship for several reasons. Even if they could have found a way, it would have never been like those people leading a normal life. Because they were unlike normal people, their world was ever so different. They could never have had a "boring" relationship like her father and mother had.

Now that she knew how Jack felt about her, she could have been happy. Indeed, she was. However, on the other hand, she was scared. The fact that her dad knew about them made her realize what shaky ground they were on. She was certain that her father was going to watch her from now on, expecting her to reveal that she was having a relationship with Jack. Once she did that, her parents would expect her to define the nature of their relationship and integrate Jack in the family, which meant visits and full background check on him. Then, what should she tell about him? How would she explain that he looked so young no matter how many time passed by? How could she keep secret what they were doing for a living? Just tiny things, but she knew her parents – they wanted their daughter be safe. The only solution would be to keep the visit as few as possible and lie all the time. _I'm good at the latter_, she snorted bitterly, thinking back her life in Torchwood.

What she didn't know was that her parents were like Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot, and as to figuring out the nature of their relationship, were already aware.

Unwrapping a box, Mary glanced at the two. Seeing the delight on the young faces and the way they looked at each other, she couldn't help but stare at them with a smirk in the corner of her lips.

"Everything alright, darling?" Geraint settled beside her on the sofa.

Mary nodded. "Yes. Look at Gwen and Jack, what do you see?"

Following her gaze, he saw Jack squeezing Gwen's hand while staring into the girl's eyes with a happy smile.

"Erm, what do you mean?" he played dumb.

"Come on, Geraint, you know exactly what I'm talking about," Mary smirked. "You can't fool me; you should have already learnt that."

"How long have you known about them?" He sighed in defeat, grumbling inaudibly about having been busted.

"I've suspected it for a while now," she smiled.

"Please, don't tell Gwen you know that. I assured her of keeping her secret."

"You've talked to her about this?" Mary's eyes widened.

"Shh, keep it quiet!" Geraint hushed her. "Uhm, actually it was Jack I talked to. But she heard every word."

Confusion spread across her face. "You asked Jack about them?"

"Not really." Mr. Cooper scratched his head, feeling uneasy about this conversation. "I just..." He told how he accidentally discovered the truth about the two. "See, I told you earlier that there's something between them." He smiled proudly and mischievously.

"They spent the night together?" Mary asked in astonishment.

"Why are you so surprised, you've known it?"

"Actually, I didn't."

"But you said..." Geraint gaped at her in confusion.

"I didn't mean knowing _that_," she said and told him about the photo-slip she had discovered earlier.

"Why didn't you share that information?" he frowned theatrically.

"Why didn't you?" she retorted.

They couldn't help but bursting out in laughter in unison.

"We are such a perfect match," Mary noted in amusement.

Geraint kissed her lovingly. "Gwen will hate me - I spilled her secret," he muttered when pulling back.

"Don't worry, she won't learn that I know it," she smiled.


End file.
